In art, exploring her adopted life

photo credit: Michael Bryant/Staff Philadelphia Inquirer

Seeing stories like this warms my heart. Not only is Sarah Mittledorf an adult adoptee from China, she's from my hometown: Mount Airy (Philadelphia)! This article in the Philadelphia Inquirer explains how Sarah is creating a theater production about the Chinese adoptee experience. She was inspired after attending a public screening of Wo Ai Ni Mommy. There were plenty of adoptive parents and adoption professionals present at the discussion, but the voice of the adoptee was absent. My earlier photo post featured one other theater production about adoption - which took place in Minnesota. Since Sarah Mittledorf is based on the East Coast, perhaps I'll be able to experience her final work.

I applaud Sarah Mittledorf for her courage create a work such as this.

Any thoughts, readers?

To Place or not to Place...

...that is the question in transracial adoption.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of racial tensions by placing a child of color with a white family permanently,
Or to take arms against this placement - to wait for a same-race family member or same-race adoptive family,
And by opposing the MultiEthnic Placement Act-Interethnic Placement Act of 1994/1996 end the troubles?

I hope that The Bard will forgive me for borrowing his words from Hamlet, but it seemed all too fitting as I read this interesting op-ed article here called "The Radicalization of Adoption Threatens Black Children". The writer Ryan Bomberger goes straight to the heart of this issue: what is best for the child - a permanent home or ethnic identity? He makes some good points, and being a transracial adoptee himself, disagrees openly with the stance taken by the National Association of Black Social Workers in 1972. He is speaking out against the many brown-skinned children who remain in foster care because of the inability to cross racial boundaries by admitting our own prejudices. He openly acknowledges that not all families can or should adopt, but he does believe that it is up to us to make this world a better place for our children - especially those without parents or permanent families.

And what do I think? I think that adoption across racial lines is a fine way to build a family with one important condition: that the adoptive family work together to continually educate themselves about their (adopted) child's culture AND to develop their own identity through self-examination and realization of their own biases, prejudices, and cultural lenses. While adoption advocates, agencies and organizations often talk about "what's best for the child", they must also include a support system that educates the parents and extended family members who may encounter the ugly side of racism for the first time.

The truth is we live in a world (particularly in the United States) where skin color does make a difference. The "color-blind" mindset does not hold because it ignores what makes us each unique. Sadly, with darker skin color comes greater responsibility: in a world where overt racism is illegal in most situations, microaggressions abound. If a family adopts a child with a darker skin color or with smaller, almond-shaped eyes, they need to be prepared to help that child when these microaggressions happen. And if they have never experienced these themselves, education and awareness is vital.

What do you think, readers? Can we put aside our racial biases and create a culture that accepts a family of many colors, breaking the hegemony of same-race families for the sake of permanent homes for many orphans? Or is it better to place these children with same-race families who can empathize with them when racial hardships come their way?

As always, I'll be waiting for your comments...

Kung Fu Panda 2 takes on adoption

OK. I admit it. I am a full-length-feature-animated-film lover. I've seen every Disney animation (although Disney and I have a "love-hate" relationship...which another story altogether), Dreamworks and Pixar film.

So when I saw the trailers for the first "Kung Fu Panda" by Dreamworks, I was a bit skeptical. "Oh, man. Here we go. An animated movie that is going to take all of the Asian stereotypes and blow them out of proportion. Another cartoon where the main character is voiced by a white person, and the Asian people are in supporting roles." I did not see this one in the movie theaters. But when I watched it on DVD later, I was nicely surprised. It was thoroughly entertaining and not as packed with offensive stereotypes as I thought! There was one pressing question on my mind: how come the Panda hero has a Goose for a father? How come Po the Panda feels like he doesn't fit into the noodle-making family?

Enter Kung-Fu Panda 2. They should have subtitled it: "The search for self" or "The journey for inner peace." Po the Panda finds out that he was "abandoned" as a child and discovered by his noodle-making father, Ping the Goose. During the movie, the underlying theme is that Po must find himself. In order to have inner peace, he must know who he is. And, through the course of the movie, he does indeed find out his true story, which has painful roots that tie directly to the new arch-enemy he faces.

I loved how Dreamworks took on this challenging topic and, I confess, I did shed a few tears when Po realizes that "it is not where you come from that matters, but where you are going." As an adoptee, this is something I truly believe. Do I want to know where I am from? Yes. Have I tried searching for my birth parents? Yes. Do I want to continue searching until they are found...no matter what the end result is? Yes, although my actions and my courage wane from time to time. I do not discount my past - especially when it comes to my birth parents - but knowing I am adopted gives me firm roots in who I am and also gives me the freedom for where I want to go.

It's a complex life, as you well know, my readers. But for all the joys and pains, it's my life...and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

For another opinion: read this article.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Defining Race: Part 2

So, it looks like I'm not the only one who wrestles with this question! Thank you, readers, for those who responded online and by email.

The straight definition of race from Merriam-Webster is:

1: a breeding stock of animals

2 a : a family, tribe, people, or nation belonging to the same stock b : a class or kind of people unified by shared interests, habits, or characteristics

3 a : an actually or potentially interbreeding group within a species; also : a taxonomic category (as a subspecies) representing such a group b : breed c : a category of humankind that shares certain distinctive physical traits

But the more complex question is: where did the concept of race come from?

What Merriam-Webster does NOT tell you is that race in the United States has its roots in history, when Western Europeans arrived in North America. Over the years, it has become socialized and legalized - so that the color of one's skin DOES impact their lived experience.

As I tried to address this question in a couple of blog posts, I realized that I would not be able to do so...or at least not as eloquently as other researchers have done before me. So, in great humility and acknowledgment of researchers I admire, I DO want to point you to a fabulous website and movie about the history of race (follow the previous link). It is an excerpt from the "RACE: Are We So Different" exhibit. I would encourage you to see when this amazing exhibit is in your neighborhood. You will never look at race in the same way again!

Defining Race: Part 1

Recently, I was able to share my transracial adoption experience at an independent school's diversity conference.  This school set aside a full day for workshops: everything from movie screenings, discussions about race, religion, gender, and culture to...knitting. Truly, it was a day to celebrate this school community's talents and diversity in the true sense of the word.

The first session went well - the junior high students, high school students and adult participants were engaged and laughed at my jokes, which is always a plus. The second session of my workshop was much more intimate with fewer participants, perhaps because it also overlapped with the first lunch sitting.  The students were polite, listening to my story and raising their hands when I called for it.  But then my friend posed an interesting question to the group, "Jenny, you keep referring to your 'race' and your 'ethnicity' throughout your sharing. So I'd like to ask, how do you define race?"

 I was glad that she asked the question and brought it to the consciousness of the high school participants, one of whom nodded as if to say, "Yes, please tell us how YOU define it."

And so, for Part 1, I'd like to pose the question to you, my readers: How do you define race?
(Hint: it's not as easy as you may think)

I'll give you my answer in Part Two...

Birthday Letter to My Birth Mother

Dear Birth Mom¹,
Today is my birthday, but you already know that. I’ve attached a picture of me, taken in 2008. If it’s alright with you, I’d like to tell you what’s happened to me since my birthday forty-two years ago.
I was adopted into a loving family at two months old; a family that already had a young son, but they told me that they always wanted to adopt. The mother² is extremely proud of her Norwegian heritage. Her mother – the grandmother² – was the first generation immigrant to the United States from Norway. She came here when she was six. Anyway, I tell you this because I grew up with lots of Norwegian cultural influences all around me: Norwegian flags trimming the Christmas tree, Viking motifs and sometimes fiskeboller (a fish meatball) for dinner. I didn’t care for fiskeboller too much, because we would usually get them from a can, and it always tasted like the can to me. Overall, I enjoyed learning Norwegian table blessings and songs. It can be fun for a child to celebrate heritage and culture.
My childhood was, in some ways, pretty normal. In other ways, it’s pretty special. This family brought me up in a Christian household, attending church regularly, not just on Christmas and Easter. The Philadelphia neighborhood we lived in is called Mount Airy. It is a very diverse place with people of all races, creeds, and even socioeconomic statuses (to some degree). I attended private Quaker schools all through my childhood. After high school, I was able to attend Smith College, where I majored in East Asian Studies with a concentration in Japanese. As I got older, I appreciated my upbringing more and more.
Additionally, as I got older, I also needed to find out who I am and claim my identity for my very own. This was a challenging process. It’s a never-ending journey for all of us, I think. It was hard to grow up and not have anyone around who looked like me. After I was adopted, the mother and father gave birth to a girl (younger sister²). As all three children grew up, the older brother₂ and younger sister² began to look more and more like the parents; I felt like the odd kid out.  It was frustrating to want my eyebrows to match the pictures I saw on TV and on the cover of Seventeen magazines, knowing that my eyebrows were the complete opposite shape of the beauty standards. And where did my eyebrows come from anyway? Only when I went to Japan did I realize where they came from, noticing “my eyebrows” on every Japanese person walking down the street. During my preteen and teenage years, my insecurities would manifest themselves in emotional outbursts of “I don’t belong in this family” or “You’re not my REAL mother anyway”, directed at the family². Intellectually, I knew that this was untrue but I let emotions get the best of me.
During college was the first time I was able to identify emotionally with my Japanese heritage; I watched a documentary about the U.S. Japanese Internment during WWII and then cried my eyes out afterward. After immersing myself in Japanese language and studies at college, I was able to live and work in Japan for twelve years. It was then that I soon discovered that all of my Japanese pride and education didn’t mean a hill of beans to the Japanese Nationals. If neither I LOOKED 100% Japanese nor had a Japanese surname, I wasn’t Japanese to them. I learned how to be comfortable in my own identity – I am White and I am Japanese; I am a 100% citizen of the United States of America.
After I became comfortable with this part of my identity, the father² in the family died suddenly in February 1999. We were extremely close, and his sudden death put me into an emotional tailspin. Once again, I needed to look within to find out who I really am. I kept asking myself, “Why am I taking this death so hard? Why is it affecting me so much?” It was then I realized the depth of what was happening to me; I was reliving the day I was separated from you. While his passing was painful for me, his death brought a whole new self-awareness for me; for that, I am grateful.
Now, I am married and have two boys.  I met my Minnesotan husband in Tokyo, Japan. Both of my sons were born there. We returned to the U.S. in 2004, when the kids were 5 and 7 years old. As I watch the kids grow up and navigate their own identity journeys, it’s amazing to see how much they identify with their Japanese heritage. It helps me continue to travel my identity journey.
I’m writing to tell you that I’m okay. I want you to know that, even though I do not know all the circumstances surrounding my birth, I can appreciate the difficult choices you had to make in order to carry me to full term and then make plans for my adoption. I have nothing but the deepest respect for you because of the choices you made. If you ever feel that you would like to meet me, I am more than willing to do this. Just know that it would take a lot of courage and humility on both our parts.
From,
Your Daughter<sup>3

1</sup> Even though I have my original birth certificate, I chose not to use her name out of respect for her privacy. We have not had a reunion yet, and I am unable to ask her permission to share her name publicly.
² I have intentionally addressed my adoptive family in the third person. They are/were the only family I’ve known, but refer to them in this way to be sensitive to my birth mother and to them. Addressing them as my “adoptive” family doesn’t feel right to me. Addressing them as my “family” might not feel right to my birth mother.
³ I know that name my birth mother gave me, but chose not to use it here. Also, she would not recognize the name I have now, so I chose not to use it.

Off and Running - a letter to Avery

(This documentary aired again on PBS’s P.O.V. on September 7, 2010. You may watch it online until December 7, 2010)

Dear Avery,

Thank you for letting Nicole Opper tell your story. As a fellow adult adoptee, I appreciate your bravery and willingness to share your life with me. I’m especially glad that your family is featured in the film to show the world that “family” has a new definition nowadays. I hope that your mothers and brothers are well.

Let me tell you a little about myself. I’m an adult adoptee, born and raised in Philadelphia. I’m Japanese-American, meaning my bio-mom had Japanese heritage and my bio-dad was a mixture of Welsh, Irish, German, et al. My adoptive family is white: Norwegian on my mother’s side and German on my father’s side. When I was growing up, my mother always took great pride in her Norwegian heritage, so I grew up with some of their food, phrases and customs. I learned about my birth culture (Japan) after I left home and went to college. I have an older brother and a younger sister – both born of my parents. We grew up in a great neighborhood in Philadelphia called Mount Airy. It’s still a wonderfully diverse neighborhood to this day.

My adoption was closed and my birth records sealed. However, my mother is a great researcher and a librarian by trade, so she did a lot of detective work to obtain my original birth certificate, which has my name and my birth parents names on it. That’s really rare for someone who was born in the late 60’s like me. I have made attempts to contact my birth parents, but have not had any luck so far. I’ve made a few attempts, and I’m not sure if I feel the strong need to make contact. I’d like to know my medical history, but I’m also resolved if I never make contact or have a reunion with them.

I am glad that you have made contact with your birth mother. I know that it was difficult for you to hear from her once, and then not have an ongoing relationship with her. I hope you have made peace with that.

Seeing Rafi go off to college and then witnessing your struggles really spoke to my experiences. When my father (adoptive) died, I was in Japan. It was a difficult time in my life to be separated from him. But in the end, it helped me to learn about feelings of abandonment, separation and loss. I saw some of the same separation struggles happen when Rafi went off to Princeton. For me, knowing that I have trouble with separation from those I’m close to helps me to weather those tough times.

Watching your mothers’ reactions to your struggles was hard for me to watch. They seem like loving, and understanding parents, but as you went through your stages of racial identity, I wished that they could have reached out for help. Perhaps they did and it was not captured on film. Oh, and if you haven’t read Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? And Other Conversations about Race by Beverly Daniel Tatum yet, I highly recommend it. Get your moms to read it, too. It’s great at explaining the stages of racial identity (William Cross's model).

Thank you again for working with Nicole to tell your story. I know that it will help a lot of transracially adoptive families.

Potentially annoying questions...

Older Brother, Me, Younger sister

As I read people's experiences through NYTimes articles, blogs and other sources, I can always find a "rant". Here's mine: annoying questions.

For me, my annoying questions relate to my adoption. However, I'm noticing others who rant about these questions, particularly when people don't "match." It is not necessarily limited to race or skin colors, but can also happen between family members who do not resemble each other physically (eyes, nose, etc.).

For example, when I introduce someone to my sister, occasionally, we are on the receiving end of what I have termed "The Tennis Match Gaze." The person first looks at me, then at my sister, then back to me...as if it were a Serena Williams/Maria Sharapova volley at the U.S. Open, incredulous that we are actually sisters in the same family. If we have pity on the person, I will quickly explain "I'm adopted"...but not always. If I wait long enough, the annoying question will inevitably come: "That's your sister?" Why can't we be taken at face value (no pun intended)? Just because our hair colors, eye colors and skin tones don't "match," it doesn't mean we're NOT family. I mean, don't we live in the 21st Century? Why do we cling to an old-fashioned view of what it means to be family?

I'm not trying to be mean and nasty here. Most people are genuinely curious and just don't seem to know how to phrase their question. But I think as the recipient of these questions over a period of thirty to forty years, they can tend to wear you down...and sometimes make me want to shut down.

So, here are some of common questions, potentially annoying. If you're interested, click on the linked questions to read articles/blogs that speak to these questions:

Is that your baby/child? a.k.a. Are you the nanny?
Are those your kids?
What are you? (for those who have an unusual "ethnic" look)
Is that your mother/sister/brother?
Where did you come from?
Any history of (insert medical condition here) in your family? - this one is particularly annoying for me if I have to keep repeating it to the SAME physician each time I visit. Can you keep the fact that I'm adopted and have no access to this information on record, please? Thanks.


Readers, what are questions that annoy you? Please share.

The U.S. Census Controversy

As I eagerly looked forward to receiving my 2010 Census form, I quickly realized that across the blogosphere and web, not everyone shared my enthusiasm.

There are a few posts out there (listed below) that comment on the Census 2010 and their questions about race (and how "race" is worded) AND household relationships, marking whether the dependents are biological, adopted, step-, foster, etc.

As an adult mixed-race adoptee, I'm thrilled that I can now check as many boxes as I want, need or desire to define my "race." I also wholeheartedly support the asking of the "relationship" question.
So, in a Q & A format, here are my thoughts on the U.S. Census contoversy.

Why should I have to mark my child as "adopted" when their adoption certificate states they "shall be considered the (child) of the adopting parents, entitled to the same rights and privileges, and subject to the same duties and obligations as if the said person had been born in wedlock to the adoptive parents"? Doesn't it single them out?

Answer: When I started doing my own research on adoption in the United States, I cannot begin to tell you the relief I felt finding the Census 2000 results. For those who may not know, the Census 2000 was the first time that the "adoption" question was asked.  The results confirmed what I knew intellectually, but had little statistical proof to back it up: I'm NOT the only one. Most of my life, I've emotionally struggled with feeling like the "only one." Adoptees all have their unique story but from my experience, this can be a point of commonality. Adoption identity formation is quite complex - and one part is feeling a sense of "belonging" and "outside" at the same time, like I am not OF your family. This is especially true of transracial adoptees.  The family hegemony of "all families look alike" is so prevalent across countries and cultures that it is truly hard to break away from this.  It is so affirming to have concrete facts to show how many people in the United States are touched by adoption. When I found the Census 2000 facts on adoption (and for everyone who answered honestly, I'm sure there were a few more who chose NOT to answer this question), it made me want to go door-to-door to encourage everyone to fill out their 2010 form! When you meet someone face-to-face or in public, you can choose whether to share your adopted relationship or not, but - please - don't withhold information from the Census that could be useful in changing legislation and how we view and approach family formation in this country. Adoption has the potential to be a wonderful way to form a family, and should get acknowledged as such in legislation, federal funding and in society.

Why is the U.S. government making me recognize my child(ren) as adopted when legally and emotionally there is no difference? Can't the government get the information they need from other federal agencies or research organizations?

Answer: For the first part of the question: There is no difference for adopted children? Legally, no. Emotionally, yes.  Perhaps from the adoptive parents' perspective, there is no emotional difference. But for any adoptee who's explored their place in this world emotionally, there IS a difference (sorry to break the news to you). I do recognize that there are adoptees out there who will tell me that they are perfectly happy with their family situation, they have no desire to search for the birth parents and that they are one with their adoptive family. I acknowledge and recognize that side of adoption and make no judgements. However, there are plenty of adult adoptees who view their adoption to be an integral part of their adult identity, no matter how much they are loved by their adoptive family.

For the second part of the question: While I understand the thought of turning to other federal agencies for information about citizenship/immigration through adoption, I have a problem with this. I am a domestically adopted person. If the government got all their facts from another agency, like USCIS, then I would not be counted. Certainly there are other studies conducted by independent reseach organizations like the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute or the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, but they usually have agendas or theories they are trying to prove. I admire their work to promote healthy family formation through research and legislation, but the Census has the power to give the raw data about us...if we participate in it!

My plea to the adoptive parents: Please deny yourself and answer the question honestly! If your adopted child(ren) decide to seek out this side of their identity, they will thank you for your action in the 2010 Census. Really. And, who knows, I'm optimistic that with the correct data on how many lives across the U.S.A. are touched by adoption, perhaps laws can change for the better and more support for our youth can be given.

Readers, would love to hear your thoughts on this. And if there are more articles addressing this issue on the web, please share the link(s) in your comment!
~~~~~
Web Links with Census commentary:
Faith And Illusions
Adoption Talk - which has more links, too.
Love Isn't Enough - March 22 - 25 posts
Washington Post: In multiracial America, the census puts us in a box.

Shout out for FUSION!

About two years ago, I attended the White Privilege Conference.  For those who may not follow social justice issues, the title for the conference may seem a bit strange.  But, rest assured, this conference brings in big name speakers and has amazing workshops around all sorts of social justice themes.

It was there I first encountered a group called iPride based out of the San Francisco Bay area. One of their board members was leading the WPC Youth Leadership portion of the conference.

I signed up to receive their e-newsletters, and what should appear in my Inbox this week, but a notice for the FUSION program for Mixed Heritage Youth. I'm so thrilled to see this kind of program in place, "supporting multiracial, multiethnic and/or transracially adopted youth and their families."

MUST give a shout-out to the FUSION program - check it out!

Off and Running-movie about race and identity

photo credit: First Run Features/New York Times

I MUST share this New York Times movie review for "Off and Running," a new film about transracial adoption.  Right now, it is playing in Denver, but  has playdates booked all over the United States. Can't wait until it comes to Philadelphia in May!

Hot off the press...Beyond Culture Camp!

Well,  I've had a lot of blog ingredients for November (National Adoption Awareness Month), but it's been stewing and simmering and has not been posted yet!  So while you are patiently waiting for my new posts, I give you this exciting appetizer!

The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute has just released the results of their research: Beyond Culture Camp: Promoting Healthy Identity Formation in Adoption. To quote from their website, "This study, released in November, is the broadest, most extensive examination of adult adoptive identity to date, based on input from the primary experts on the subject: adults who were adopted as children."


The release of this report is perfect timing for my other big announcement: I'm presenting a workshop on my identity formation as a transracial adoptee at the National Association of Independent Schools People of Color Conference on Friday, Dec. 4 in Denver, CO.  Based on the principal recommendations  listed on the website, I am eager to read it and incorporate it into my presentation! 


Enjoy, my friends. 

Hooray for John Raible

Recently, I joined a new online social networking group called Adoption Voices. Yes, I know there are SO many social networking sites out there...so, why should I join ANOTHER one?

Luckily, this one has led me to a wonderful blog by John Raible (pictured) and a great article about "Same Story, Different Decade." John shares about his experience hearing a teen transracial adoptee (who happens to be Latino adopted into a White family) and the adoptee's experiences with racism and isolation being the only person of color in their neighborhood, school, etc.

It took me a moment to get into reading this lengthy post, but I'm so glad I did. He and I agree with a simple point in this day and age: adoptive parents need to be well-informed about transracial adoption.

"...We cannot afford to let white parents go on thinking naively that love is enough, or that it is color-blind, while the rest of society continues to react to our children of color as inferior deviants and as potentially threatening competitors in the high-stakes game of life. It’s not about providing loving, color-blind homes, it’s about facing racism squarely, and preparing children to function—and thrive—in hostile environments.

For parents who are still in denial about racism in 2009, and who think that just because a President Obama occupies the White House that our society has somehow transcended race and racism, the remarks of this recent teen panelist come as a stark reminder of how far we have yet to go. It does not matter what decade adopted children go through adolescence. It does not matter what country they were adopted from. What matters is the social context. If transracial adoptees experience adolescence as the lonely kid of color in oppressive, overwhelmingly white environments, then they are having the same experience as children adopted in the 1950s, 1960s, and 1970s.

The point is, WE KNOW BETTER. And knowing better, we have an obligation to do better. Adopted children of color deserve no less."

My thoughts exactly.

I am pro-adoption, but I am also pro-education. It hurts adoptees (and our society-at-large) if adoptive families go into a transracial adoption with "color-blind blinders" on. Or with their overwhelmingly strong desire for their "own child" clouding their idea of the big picture.

Whether your child is born biologically or you are adopting, all responsible parents should think about the big-picture, 18-year plan (however long the child will be with you until they are an adult). Responsible parents must consider how to provide for their child physically, mentally and emotionally...as a parent, I think about such things. In light of these parental concerns, the adoptive family of a transracial adoption must also consider "What racial environment am I providing for my child?" Even if your adopted child NEVER talks about race, believe me, it IS the elephant in the room.

I applaud my parents for raising me in a racially diverse neighborhood and sending me to a Quaker school. I also lift up my friends: the adoptive parents of transracial/transnational children who are constantly taking the initiative to learn more about how to support their child in this race-conscious America we live in. They give me hope for the future of adoptive families everywhere.

I am confident that this is the beginning of change.

Passing and people like me

My friend at the Meltingpot blog spoke recently about "passing" - when someone sheds their own racial heritage for another...and gets away with it.  This phenomenon in America usually refers to a light-skinned Black person passing for White. However, it is not limited to this (see the blog link for more explanation). I am new to this terminology, but not to this concept. 

What I mean is this: Even though Japan is part of my heritage (albeit by genetics and not upbringing) and is a key part of my identity now, I have been "passing" as White for most of my life, thus sparing me from most of the racial hatred that exists in this country. One key difference is that I did not choose to shed my racial heritage. Most people just don't see me as a multiracial person, especially the Asian side.  I assimilate quite nicely into a "white box" and I receive all the privileges that come with this. And, truth be told, my genes are also Irish and German.

It continues to be an interesting dilemma for me - one that has been brought to my consciousness only since returning to America (after living abroad for many years). I am still learning how to discuss these issues and how I'd like to identify myself to others.

On a related note, here's an interesting article discussing Ginetta Candelario's new book about Dominican racial identity entitled Black Behind The Ears. Her book is in response to her Dominican mother's questions about race in America.  Ginetta is a multiracial woman like myself and had experiences of "passing," even when she didn't choose to do so.