Mother and Child

Anyone else seen the ads for this movie? It's been in the theaters since May 7. Here's the synopsis:

Three women's lives share a common core: they have all been profoundly affected by adoption. KAREN (Annette Bening) had a baby at 14, gave her up at birth, and has been haunted ever since by the daughter she never knew. ELIZABETH (Naomi Watts) grew up as an adopted child; she's a bright and ambitious lawyer, but a flinty loner in her personal life. LUCY (Kerry Washington) is just embarking with her husband on the adoption odyssey, looking for a baby to become their own.

I think it's interesting how this drama has slipped into the "artsy" theaters in my town (Ritz 5) with big stars (in addition to those listed above) Jimmy Smits and Samuel L. Jackson plus screenings at the Toronto Film Festival 2009 and Sundance Film Festival 2010. No promos (save one I saw with Samuel L. Jackson) on Jay Leno or David Letterman. No barrage of TV ads. Interesting.

I applaud Director Rodrigo Garcia for taking on this topic. And it looks like he has done his research: I can already see the separation trauma issues he addresses in the film. But after watching the trailer, I'm not sure if I have the courage to actually go see it. I may have to wait to buy the DVD, so I can stop it and walk away if I have the need.

My walk-aways would not be because of frustration, however. From the trailer, it looks like Garcia has captured these so well that I'm afraid this movie would hit too close to home. It would show me too much of myself or it might stir up emotions and thoughts about what my biological mother might be thinking.

Like I said, courage. I need courage to see this film.

And at the same time, I am curious to see this film. I must see if Garcia does justice to the adoption triad. Or will I see it and say, "Oh, no. Is everybody going to make assumptions about adoption based on this film?"  From the trailer, I have a feeling that it is the former, not the latter because Garcia is allowed to take the feature length film to go deeper that a 1 hour TV drama (see my post on Glee earlier this month).

If any of my readers has seen this movie, I would love to hear your impressions.

I have a feeling it's going to be a long time before you read my full review on this blog. The curiosity and courage will have to outweigh the fear.

Glee and Adoption

*SPOILER ALERT* If you are a "Glee" fan and have not seen this season's finale...continue reading at your own risk...

I admit it.  I started watching Fox Network's "Glee"...and I'm hooked. I know that the plot lines are so "high school," but, hey, it's set in...a high school! I can overlook the juvenile drama because I love the singing. Anyone who was, is or will be an a cappella/show choir fan will love this show for performances. And the tunes are classics so you can sing-along. What could be better?

Another thing that I applaud the show for is its attempt to address teenage issues, at the risk of leaning into discomfort at times: teenage pregnancy, sexuality (gay/straight), physical limitations (one of the characters is in a wheelchair), fitting in/being comfortable with who you are, etc. One of these issues is the adoption triad: adoptee, birth parent (two fathers - who are never seen) and birth mother.

Now - on to the finale, which aired on Tuesday, June 8. I have to admit, at one point I changed the channel to the NBA Finals because it just got too ridiculous for me. Our teenage pregnant mother (Quinn Fabray) went into labor during the Regional competition. Her whole birthing scene was paralleled by cut-aways to the show choir rival Vocal Adrenaline's performance of Queen's "Bohemian Rapsody," even to the point of her pushing when the lyrics scream "Let him/me go." It was absurd. Later I had to explain to my two sons that: 1) even Mommy's *quick* labor took 8 hours, not 8 minutes. 2) most women in labor take much longer, even up to 36 hours or more (ohhhh, they said).

All that being said, Quinn decided to choose adoption instead of parent her baby. And, as was quite serendipitous, the woman who adopted the baby was the rival show choir's coach, Shelby Corcoran, who chose adoption for her own child many years ago. Quinn, as far as we know, does not know that Shelby has adopted her biological daughter. 

Now, here's my beef: 

After Quinn has given birth (all of 8 minutes), she goes straight back to school and sings with the glee club - as the focus has now shifted to the fact that they lost the Regional Competition, must disband the glee club and say goodbye to Mr. Schue (their teacher). 

Seriously? Again, perhaps my expectations are too high for this show, but this representation of the birth mother was maddening. Especially after they portrayed the adoption reunion between Rachel (lead singer in New Direction) and her birth mother so well, I thought.  The twist in this story line is that Rachel's biological mother is Shelby (see above).

Quinn's birth and relinquishment (sorry, I know it's not the PC language...but it's an accurate descriptor from Quinn's perspective) showed the peachy-peachy side of the adoption process and made it appear that is was "no sweat" to chose adoption for your child. See, girls, you can get pregnant, make an adoption plan, and be right as rain immediately afterwards. Just go sing with your friends - no worries! No post-partum depression. No hormone changes. No regrets. No feelings of loss. All is right with the world.

Glee: if you're going to attack the complex issues of teenage-dom, then do it right. Don't hollywood-glamorize them! I'm willing to wait until next season to see if you address this. But if not, I may have to stop watching you, Glee.

Did anyone else watch this season finale? If not, watch it here on Hulu.

What do you think about this?

Gene Luen Yang: why I won't be watching the last airbender movie

OK. Thanks for being patient with my blog silence once again. I've been following my favorite blogs faithfully...just could not find time to write.

Here's an easy AND IMPORTANT post! And something close to my heart.

There's been a buzz in the blogosphere about the upcoming movie: The Last Airbender, directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Making a long story short, this movie has intentionally cast white actors/actresses in roles that are originally portrayed by Asian/Inuits. If this story is new for you, check out some links about this on Racialicious or Angry Asian Man.

Gene Luen Yang, author of American-Born Chinese, posted a comic on his blog about why he won't be watching this movie, which opens nationwide on July 2, 2010. I'm re-posting it with permission. It's the same reason I will not be watching it either.

(if this graphic is too small, here's the PDF version)

The U.S. Census Controversy

As I eagerly looked forward to receiving my 2010 Census form, I quickly realized that across the blogosphere and web, not everyone shared my enthusiasm.

There are a few posts out there (listed below) that comment on the Census 2010 and their questions about race (and how "race" is worded) AND household relationships, marking whether the dependents are biological, adopted, step-, foster, etc.

As an adult mixed-race adoptee, I'm thrilled that I can now check as many boxes as I want, need or desire to define my "race." I also wholeheartedly support the asking of the "relationship" question.
So, in a Q & A format, here are my thoughts on the U.S. Census contoversy.

Why should I have to mark my child as "adopted" when their adoption certificate states they "shall be considered the (child) of the adopting parents, entitled to the same rights and privileges, and subject to the same duties and obligations as if the said person had been born in wedlock to the adoptive parents"? Doesn't it single them out?

Answer: When I started doing my own research on adoption in the United States, I cannot begin to tell you the relief I felt finding the Census 2000 results. For those who may not know, the Census 2000 was the first time that the "adoption" question was asked.  The results confirmed what I knew intellectually, but had little statistical proof to back it up: I'm NOT the only one. Most of my life, I've emotionally struggled with feeling like the "only one." Adoptees all have their unique story but from my experience, this can be a point of commonality. Adoption identity formation is quite complex - and one part is feeling a sense of "belonging" and "outside" at the same time, like I am not OF your family. This is especially true of transracial adoptees.  The family hegemony of "all families look alike" is so prevalent across countries and cultures that it is truly hard to break away from this.  It is so affirming to have concrete facts to show how many people in the United States are touched by adoption. When I found the Census 2000 facts on adoption (and for everyone who answered honestly, I'm sure there were a few more who chose NOT to answer this question), it made me want to go door-to-door to encourage everyone to fill out their 2010 form! When you meet someone face-to-face or in public, you can choose whether to share your adopted relationship or not, but - please - don't withhold information from the Census that could be useful in changing legislation and how we view and approach family formation in this country. Adoption has the potential to be a wonderful way to form a family, and should get acknowledged as such in legislation, federal funding and in society.

Why is the U.S. government making me recognize my child(ren) as adopted when legally and emotionally there is no difference? Can't the government get the information they need from other federal agencies or research organizations?

Answer: For the first part of the question: There is no difference for adopted children? Legally, no. Emotionally, yes.  Perhaps from the adoptive parents' perspective, there is no emotional difference. But for any adoptee who's explored their place in this world emotionally, there IS a difference (sorry to break the news to you). I do recognize that there are adoptees out there who will tell me that they are perfectly happy with their family situation, they have no desire to search for the birth parents and that they are one with their adoptive family. I acknowledge and recognize that side of adoption and make no judgements. However, there are plenty of adult adoptees who view their adoption to be an integral part of their adult identity, no matter how much they are loved by their adoptive family.

For the second part of the question: While I understand the thought of turning to other federal agencies for information about citizenship/immigration through adoption, I have a problem with this. I am a domestically adopted person. If the government got all their facts from another agency, like USCIS, then I would not be counted. Certainly there are other studies conducted by independent reseach organizations like the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute or the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, but they usually have agendas or theories they are trying to prove. I admire their work to promote healthy family formation through research and legislation, but the Census has the power to give the raw data about us...if we participate in it!

My plea to the adoptive parents: Please deny yourself and answer the question honestly! If your adopted child(ren) decide to seek out this side of their identity, they will thank you for your action in the 2010 Census. Really. And, who knows, I'm optimistic that with the correct data on how many lives across the U.S.A. are touched by adoption, perhaps laws can change for the better and more support for our youth can be given.

Readers, would love to hear your thoughts on this. And if there are more articles addressing this issue on the web, please share the link(s) in your comment!
~~~~~
Web Links with Census commentary:
Faith And Illusions
Adoption Talk - which has more links, too.
Love Isn't Enough - March 22 - 25 posts
Washington Post: In multiracial America, the census puts us in a box.

Transracial adoption: a two-way street?

I was recently asked by a friend what my thoughts were on the adoption trends of white families adopting "cute" Asian kids. My friend wondered why we don't see more of the opposite: Asian families adopting white kids, or Black families adopting white kids.


Because my friend posed the question, I thought my email response would make for an interesting blog post. Reader's Caveat: I acknowledge that my response is anecdotal and my theories are not founded in thorough research. If you're still interested then, by all means, read on!:

Oh, boy.  You've really asked the million-dollar question! I could go on and on about this...but I'll try to keep it relatively brief.

I've seen the article you referenced (a black family who adopts a white child)...and have not seen any other since. I do know of one blogger, atlasien, who writes about her experiences at Upside-Down Adoption because she self-identifies as an Asian "hapa" and adopted a non-Asian child.

Yes, the "trend" of whites adopting Asians (particularly Chinese and Korean) is probably the most common international adoption trend I've seen. There are SO many bloggers who prove this theory (see my Similar Blogs links).  Unfortunately, I've never done a study on why this is.  However, if you're really interested as to the "why", I'm sure that the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute would have some answers. They are a great research institute.

Anecdotally, here are my thoughts:

I don't see many Japanese adopting white children because the closer they are to their Asian roots (meaning: if they have traditional Japanese families), the more stigmatized "adoption" is.  They keep adoptions in Japan very hush-hush. When I lived in Japan, I stopped sharing with Japanese people about my adoption openly because it put them in a awkward position - they didn't know how to comprehend it. It also exposed them to a side of me that is very personal (which is not common for Japanese people to be so open with a private matter).

I think that China has set up a situation for abandoning girls (due to their one-child law and the socially-desirable child is a boy).  That's why we see many Chinese girls being adopted by families here in the States.  A similar situation happened in Korea, as women have out-of-wedlock pregnancies which are just now (slowly) becoming accepted by society...

On a larger scale in the U.S., the Multiethnic Placement Act (MEPA) of 1994 and Removal of Barriers to Interethnic Adoption Provisions (IEP) of 1996 attempted to provide equity in adoption for African American children because they saw the large number of black kids available for adoption and found a shortage of willing same-race families to place them in. The "color blind" interpretations of MEPA-IEP actually restricted agencies from providing post-adoption support for transracially-adopted kids.  Look at the Evan B. Donaldson Institute's website for their recent statement in 2008 about how this didn't quite accomplish what the government intended.

Since this letter was written, I have since found an earlier article about Mark Riding found here in 2007 and a reference to another family in an archived Detroit News article here. But, even I have to admit, this black family-white child topic is hard to find.


I did find one interesting comment on Yahoo! Answers in response to the question, "Has a black family ever adopted a white child?". Check out Julie J's answer which takes into account the supply/demand in adoption.

I would love to hear your thoughts: why is transracial adoption not more of a two-way street? What do you think about seeing these new, "blended" families in your neighborhoods? Would they be well received?

"Mixie" Olympiads!

OK. The Winter Olympics are here. And having experienced the Snowpocalypse on the East Coast, I am actually stuck in the house...I mean, sitting down to watch the events.

Now I know this is NOT about adoption - but I couldn't resist posting about the latest speed skating medalists, Apolo Ohno and J.R. Celski. A little background on these athletes: Apolo Ohno's father is Japanese-born and his mother is American. J.R. Celski's father is of Polish descent and his mother is of Filipino descent. Here's a nice article on Apolo and his supportive dad. And if you missed the edge-of-your-seat Short Track: Men's 1500M race, then you can click here to watch it on NBC.com

I can't help feeling a certain sense of pride when I see these mixed Asians! All of my knowledge about "model minority" stereotypes go right out the window. I mean, who cares that these athletes epitomize the "hard-work ethic" that is often attributed to Asian cultures (and absolutely necessary for anyone aspiring to be an Olympic athlete). I'm just elated to see some athletes that look like me. Or more importantly, athletes that my children can identify with.

As I watch the Olympics with my sons, they cheer for Team USA and Team Japan equally.  They know their roots and connect with both countries on some level. And I'm glad to see that they can find someone who "looks like them" in popular media.

I'd love to hear of more "mixie" Olympiads out there. If you've found them, please share!

Gotcha Day!

After I first returned from living in Japan and began to meet friends who are adoptive parents, they educated me in the ways of "gotcha" celebrations.  What's this? I had never heard of such a thing.

"Gotcha Day" celebrates the anniversary of the child's adoption. It is the day that they were brought home into their new family.  Adoptive families celebrate this day in different ways (as shown here and here) and balance the celebration if there are biological and adoptive children in the family. Actually the term "gotcha" is quite controversial, as seen here.

I've recently been able to flip through the pages of my baby book that my mom (adoptive) kept for me.  I've always felt a special affinity for Valentine's Day and I think there are a couple of reasons for that. One, my "gotcha day" was Feb. 10, 1969 and my parents often mentioned how I was their "Valentine present", which made me feel pretty special growing up. Two, my mother always made Valentine's Day a special occasion with small gifts on our dinner plates that we could open before dinner.

So, Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! And today,  I celebrate my own "gotcha day" (or close to it) and the family that brought me into their lives.

I'd love to hear from any readers who are part of the adoption constellation who celebrate their "gotcha days." I know you're out there! Or perhaps you'd like to share which term you prefer: Gotcha, Adoption Day or something else?  What term do you use to celebrate the anniversary of bringing an adopted child into your family?

Shout out for FUSION!

About two years ago, I attended the White Privilege Conference.  For those who may not follow social justice issues, the title for the conference may seem a bit strange.  But, rest assured, this conference brings in big name speakers and has amazing workshops around all sorts of social justice themes.

It was there I first encountered a group called iPride based out of the San Francisco Bay area. One of their board members was leading the WPC Youth Leadership portion of the conference.

I signed up to receive their e-newsletters, and what should appear in my Inbox this week, but a notice for the FUSION program for Mixed Heritage Youth. I'm so thrilled to see this kind of program in place, "supporting multiracial, multiethnic and/or transracially adopted youth and their families."

MUST give a shout-out to the FUSION program - check it out!

Off and Running-movie about race and identity

photo credit: First Run Features/New York Times

I MUST share this New York Times movie review for "Off and Running," a new film about transracial adoption.  Right now, it is playing in Denver, but  has playdates booked all over the United States. Can't wait until it comes to Philadelphia in May!

Thinking about Haiti

With the Haitian earthquake tragedy the last few weeks, the adoption blogosphere has been on fire with commentaries, like at Adoption Talk or Family Preservation Advocacy. It seems everyone has an opinion.  Here's mine:

I was relieved to see that the U.S.-Haitian adoptions that were in progress before the earthquake were expedited and those children were able to be brought to the U.S. to be taken care of my their new family.  I can only imagine the distress that the "expecting" adoptive parents felt when they saw how these earthquakes have decimated Haiti. After all, those adoptive parents could have been waiting up to three years to be united with their new son or daughter.

I was also relieved to hear on NPR (listen here) that the United States is not rushing in to scoop up the "orphans" and bring them to the United States.  When a tragedy like this hits, it is important to act quickly for rescue, food and medical care. But when it comes to the children and surviving families, I believe that the United States should practice patience. The risk of child trafficking is too high.

We must be vigilant not to separate children from relatives in Haiti who are still alive but displaced, or to unknowingly assist criminals who traffic in children in such desperate times.

- U.S. Department of Homeland Security spokesman Matt Chandler

This is where, as an adoptee, I have strong feelings.  Moving forward from today, I feel that every effort should be made to find a child's biological family - whether they will be placed with their aunt, uncle, grandparent or second cousin-once removed.  There are greater chances that a child's biological family will know medical histories of family members or anecdotal family stories, giving the child a sense of connection and belonging. I would hate to see history repeat itself after the 1970's adoptions of Vietnamese children (see above NPR link).

However, it doesn't mean that I am against adoption. I'm just against the all-mighty U.S. of A. using their superpower to swoop down from on high to "rescue the children."  If we place these children into American families (and, most likely, transracially adoptive families), will the children grow up with a sense of their Haitian culture?  It depends on where they live.  If it's southern Florida or New York City, I'm not so worried.  If it's in a location that does not have a well-established Haitian community, I'm more concerned. And it depends on their adoptive parents. Hopefully, they will be well-informed, learning parents who appreciate the child(ren)'s heritage culture and will be able to teach them how to live in a race-conscious United States.

And for the adopted Haitian, will they grow up understanding their privilege in the United States? Will they feel moved to use that privilege to better their homeland?  If they do feel moved to return to Haiti, can Haiti afford to wait for ten to twenty years before these children grow up and become doctors or teachers?

For those who are suddenly "moved to adopt" and take care of these needy children, I give this challenge: why not move to Haiti? That way you can raise the child in their native country and not strip Haiti of their future - the children. Doesn't Haiti have every right to keep their children? (I'm getting sarcastic, I know...)

At the very least, I think that Haiti should have a strong say in this decision.  Please, U.S. government, listen to the Haitian voices before you make decisions about their children. Haiti is an autonomous country. Please ask them what they need, and don't try to make decisions for them.

Readers, I would love to hear your thoughts on Haiti and her children.

Out with the old...in with the New!

Once again, there has been "blog silence" here. But not for lack of content: I've just been going through a lot, and it's been a little overwhelming.

December is a rough month for me.  And (as my colleague said to me) even though I can see the train wreck coming down the tracks, I feel powerless to stop it.

Let me start by saying: The commercialism behind holiday shopping is getting more and more depressing for me each year.  Could it be because I've outgrown it?  I yearn for deeper spiritual focus during the year's end, and it can tend to get lost in the blaring commercials on TV or the event invitations which fill up calendars quicker than sand flowing through an hour glass.  Spending so many years in Japan didn't help either: we don't have years of family heirloom ornaments to put on our tree (not that I want them) and I haven't built many family traditions around the holidays either.  Also, being a more eco-friendly family, lots of the American ways to celebrate the holidays seem ecologically unjust: chopping down trees, increasing your electricity usage for lawn displays, purchasing wrapping paper that will end up in the trash (or, perhaps, the recycling bin). The list goes on and on. I'd like to be more festive and I love the "goodwill towards men" attitude around Christmas time.

However, December is also the month of my birthday.  About ten years ago, I realized that I get pretty emotional around my birthday because, as an adoptee, what does my birthday really celebrate?  While for some, it's an accomplishment of another year of life, my birthday is tainted because it marks for me the day of separation from a biological family that I've never known.  So many questions run through my mind: Will I ever be reunited with them?  Am I at peace if I never get to meet them?

I try not to be so negative and depressing around my birthday.  After all, I'm a grown woman and know the reasons why I might feel sad, so that's more than half of the psychological battle, right?

That's why I appreciate New Year's so much.  I think that I learned it when I lived in Japan.  The Japanese have a superficial sense of Christmas: you'll see signs of Christmas in the department stores and in the bakeries.  But the real holiday is New Year's.  The preparation before this holiday is cleaning and cooking to get rid of the old and start the New Year afresh. Then you have three days off to do nothing but relax with family, watch kooky New Year's TV shows and eat all of the cold food you prepared the week before.

So now that it's January, I say "Happy New Year" and let the new beginnings start! And to celebrate the New Year, I've chosen a new title and focus for my blog: Adoption Fusion - discovering where adoption, race and culture blend together.  Enjoy!

10th Annual National Adoption Day in the U.S.

Saturday, Nov. 21, is the 10th annual National Adoption Day, which began as a coalition of law firms, state foster care agencies, child advocates and courts to complete hundreds of foster care adoptions in nine cities across the U.S. Today, hundreds of events are held in all 50 states to finalize adoptions of children in foster care and to celebrate the families that adopt. To find an event near you, visit: http://www.nationaladoptionday.org/2009/events/index.asp.

To all those who were adopted yesterday and to all my friends whose lives have been touched by adoption, I lift you up and hold a special place in my heart for you.  As you continue on your journey, may your life be full of health, happiness, strength and courage throughout your adoption experience. 

Celebrities and Adoption: my personal dilemma

OK - so I was in the supermarket, saw the headline and couldn't resist purchasing this October 2009 issue of People Magazine!  Then, after I returned home to read the article, I remembered why it is that I only read People magazine in the doctor's office *sigh*.  Not quite the depth I was looking for.  If only this story could have been covered by Newsweek!  Nevertheless, I'm still intrigued by Katherine Heigl's family - past and present.  Now on a mission to discover the truth!

Katherine Heigl, best known for her current role on TV's Grey's Anatomy, is a newlywed and a new mother!  She and her husband, singer Jason Kelley, adopted a special needs Korean baby.  She even announced it on the Ellen DeGeneres Show. What I didn't know is that her older sister, Margaret (Meg) is a Korean-born adoptee, which had a big influence on her decision to adopt. "It's something I've always wanted to do...", she says. Interesting!

So this leaves me with a personal dilemma: do I think that celebrity adoption is a good thing or not?

On the one hand, I'm encouraged to see transracial adoptions get a lot of positive press.  Hugh Jackman seems to have the right attitude; when he expressed his desire to adopt, he asked, "where is the greatest need?" and adopted two multiracial kids. Stephen Spielberg and Kate Capshaw also seem like a good role models for people seeking to adopt.

On the other hand, there's a part of me that cringes when I see celebs like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (However, in recent news, Angelina wants to adopt without Brad!), Madonna and, yes, even Katherine Heigl suddenly make headline news because of their adoption.  They make it look so easy.  Walk in and adopt.  Everyone is so happy, happy. (Although, in Katherine Heigl's defense, she does talk about the major application they had to fill out as parents.  And the agency states that their adoption was processed so quickly due to "good social work practices.").

One end of the spectrum: I have the good-intentioned adoptive parents who genuinely want to create a family by providing a permanent home for a child.  Even the celebrity can fall into this category.  On the other end of the spectrum, I hear terrible stories of human trafficking and adoption agencies or countries that exploit children so they can benefit from the money they will make off the adoption fees.

So, I really am torn.  How should I view these celebrity adoptions: friend or foe? And will the media ever provide truth and depth to these celebrity stories - or will they forever be a mystery?

Hot off the press...Beyond Culture Camp!

Well,  I've had a lot of blog ingredients for November (National Adoption Awareness Month), but it's been stewing and simmering and has not been posted yet!  So while you are patiently waiting for my new posts, I give you this exciting appetizer!

The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute has just released the results of their research: Beyond Culture Camp: Promoting Healthy Identity Formation in Adoption. To quote from their website, "This study, released in November, is the broadest, most extensive examination of adult adoptive identity to date, based on input from the primary experts on the subject: adults who were adopted as children."


The release of this report is perfect timing for my other big announcement: I'm presenting a workshop on my identity formation as a transracial adoptee at the National Association of Independent Schools People of Color Conference on Friday, Dec. 4 in Denver, CO.  Based on the principal recommendations  listed on the website, I am eager to read it and incorporate it into my presentation! 


Enjoy, my friends. 

National Adoption Awareness Month

Wow - I just found out that November is National Adoption Awareness Month.


Here's a little history from one of the MANY adoption sites:

"The first major effort to promote awareness of the need for adoptive families for children in the foster care system occurred in Massachusetts. In 1976, then-Governor Mike Dukakis proclaimed Adoption Week and the idea grew in popularity and spread throughout the nation. President Gerald Ford made the first National Adoption Week proclamation, and in 1990, the week was expanded to a month due to the number of states participating and the number of events.


During the month, states, communities, public and private organizations, businesses, families, and individuals celebrate adoption as a positive way to build families. Across the nation, activities and observances such as recognition dinners, public awareness and recruitment campaigns, and special events spotlight the needs of children who need permanent families. It also includes National Adoption Day, traditionally a Saturday, which is observed in courthouses across the nation as thousands of adoptions are finalized simultaneously. (emphasis mine)"

So, this month I will post about adoption from my perspective as an adult adoptee! However, the posts will probably be holistic, covering the complexity of an adopted family.  


Check back often for featured stories.

"He stood by me when no one else did."

First, I apologize for my temporary disappearance from the blogosphere. Not that there hasn’t been anything to write about. It’s just that September and October are extremely busy months for me.

This summer, I read a fascinating book called Life on the Color Line: The True Story of a White Boy Who Discovered He Was Black. This week, I was fortunate to meet Dr. Gregory H. Williams (pictured here) in person on October 22, as he visited Abington Friends School.

For those who may not know his story, the quote from the book’s back cover reads, “As a child in 1950s segregated Virginia, Gregory Howard Williams grew up believing he was white. But when the family business failed and his parents’ marriage fell apart, Williams discovered that his dark-skinned father, who had been passing as Italian-American, was half-black. The family split-up, and Greg, his younger brother, and their father moved to Muncie, Indiana where the young boys learned the truth about their heritage. Overnight, Greg Williams became black.” Dr. Williams grew up in a time when racial boundaries were very rigid. And on top of all that, his father was an alcoholic.

There were accounts in Dr. William’s book of how he had to go looking for his drunken father in the middle of the night and carry him home on his shoulders. His father made him and his younger brother hustle for money to ultimately help his addiction to alcohol. There were many mistakes that Dr. Williams’s father made; even Dr. Williams himself acknowledges this fact. Yet even through the challenges, the bond that Dr. Williams has with his father is loving and filled with deep respect. When he spoke about his relationship with his alcoholic father on Thursday, he said something that struck me: “He stood by me when no one else did.”

I understand what he means.

I am not an adult child of an alcoholic. But as an adult adoptee, I understand the need for someone to stand by you through thick and thin. The physical presence of a parent is an innate need from infancy, no matter how terrible the parent is or how many mistakes they make. My birth mother and father could not fulfill their parent roles for me so another set of parents took their place. My adoptive father WAS my father. My adoptive mother IS my mother. Why? Because they were there for me throughout my childhood. They raised me the best way they knew how which, I am fortunate to say, was pretty darn blessed.

For someone who has not experienced a separation from a parent (particularly a maternal figure) like Dr. Willliams and I have, it is a heady concept to understand. How can you bond to another adult who is not your flesh and blood? How can you claim to love your parent, who used or manipulated you? It is a testimony to the power of physical presence and permanence in a child’s life. University of Toronto professor of psychology and psychiatry David Wolfe states, “Humans are wired to form social bonds, and such scraps of kindness can deepen even a relationship built on manipulation and abuse.” We are, at our very core, wired to connect with others. We need constancy in our human relationships, which trumps even the worst abuse.

Why do my children love me, no matter how I mess up and fall short of the perfect parent? Because the bottom line is: they need my presence. They need me to be the mom. No matter what kind of mom I am, it is important to stand up for them when no one else does; to be there for them when no one else can.

Physical presence and constancy in relationships cannot be underestimated.

Authentic Anime...?

I've been eagerly awaiting "Ponyo", Hayao Miyazaki's newest animation (or anime in Japanese). I'm glad to see that it received favorable reviews in the NYTimes. And it's even MPAA rated "G" - you don't see that very often these days!

However, am I asking too much to see this anime in it's original language with English subtitles? Does this make me a film snob? A purist for Japanese language?

Walt Disney Studios (who does the American production and marketing for Miyazaki's films) REALLY loads up the star-studded voice actors: Cate Blanchett, Noah Cyrus (Miley's little sister), Matt Damon, Tina Fey, Frankie Jonas (yes, one of the famous brothers), Liam Neeson, Cloris Leachman...and the list goes on. So I have no doubt that they will do a great job portraying Miyazaki's characters. But is it too much to ask to release BOTH versions in the U.S. theaters?

I guess I got spoiled living in Japan. Whenever we would go out to see Disney's animated films (Tarzan, Toy Story, etc.), we had a choice: English with Japanese subtitles or Japanese dubbing. And, hey, it's Japan...so why not show it in both languages? Now the reason for this was simple: Japanese people LOVED to see the animations in English...to learn English! Or people who didn't want to engage their brains as much could watch it in Japanese.

I would be grateful for the same opportunity when it comes to finding an authentic anime. I live in a pretty urban place - with a Japanese neighborhood not to far away. Can the Ritz (or some other "artsy" theater) help me out here?

I think that the U.S. of A. should at least offer a authentic screening in the original language in a second-run theater , don't you?

Although my hopes are high, reality tells me that I will have to wait until it comes out on DVD to watch it in Japanese.

Bound: Mirror for an Asian adoptee (Pt. 2)

The "mirrors and windows" technique is used as a means of communication when you are reflecting on your own culture/yourself (mirror) or discovering a new culture/seeing beyond yourself (window). Believe it or not, reading Bound by Donna Jo Napoli through the lens of being an Asian American adoptee mirrored so many things in my modern, American life.

I immediately feel a connection with Xing Xing (prounced Shing Shing) on a few levels. I, too, was separated from my biological mother and father and now get to live out my life's journey without them physically present to guide me. I, too, am Asian and enjoyed the setting in China (see previous post). And as an adoptee, I can sometimes feel like the misfit of the family - accepted and taken care of...yet I can never BE of the same physical, genetic material as the rest of my family. Don't get me wrong - I did have commendable adoptive parents who loved me and raised me with plenty of love and guidance. And my siblings are great, too - I AM their sister. But I still have a sense of kinship with a traditional Cinderella story.

Xing Xing is a wonderfully resilient character (a trait that I see in lots of adoptees/stepchildren). She holds on to her talents of writing poetry and Chinese calligraphy: gifts that were encouraged by her father, when he was still alive. I truly believe that everyone is born with gifts/talents that are locked within. It just takes the right people and circumstances to unlock these talents, much like a puzzle box or a combination lock. Not that the combination has to be good people or great circumstances. For Xing Xing, it is in the face of adversity and hardships that her talents are able to shine.

"To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest" - Anonymous

Thanks, Ms. Napoli, for providing a mirror for me through a Chinese Cinderella story.

Book Review: Bound, Pt. 1

Now that it's August, I desperately trying to finish all the books that I've started earlier this summer. I'm almost done with Life on the Color Line; The True Story of a White Boy Who Discovered He Was Black by Gregory H. Williams and about halfway through The Asian Mystique by Sheridan Prasso. But I also need to make sure my kids finish THEIR summer reading, too.

This year, Donna Jo Napoli will visit their school so they each must read one of her books. Luckily, she writes for all ages, from picture books through young adult, and she provides great variety in her works. In solidarity, I decided to read one of her books and picked up Bound, because I can't resist anything Asian. Ms. Napoli tells a Chinese Cinderella story, complete with cruel stepmother, pitiable stepsister and charming prince.

What I really love about her telling of the story is all of the Chinese traditions she has woven into the story. While it's heart-breaking to relive the foot-binding tradition (and can make my stomach turn at times), it is the reality of these traditions that give the story a rich depth which doesn't always happen in young adult novels.

Another point I appreciate about this book is how the heroine Xing Xing (pronounced "Shing Shing") carries the spirits of her deceased mother and father with her wherever she goes, as a guiding spirit to provide Xing Xing with wisdom. Ms. Napoli writes with such respect and sensitivity for the Chinese culture - it's truly palpable.

I highly recommend this book as Donna Jo Napoli’s writing proves that depth of character and plot CAN be found in young adult novels.

Has anyone else read her works?

(Stay tuned for Pt. 2 - where I make parallels between Xing Xing and myself.)

Young Japanese Women Vie for a Once-Scorned Job

Young Japanese Women Vie for a Once-Scorned Job : article from the NYTimes - July 28, 2009
Watch the video link here.

Reading this article, I find myself in an interesting dilemma. Do I applaud Japanese women for becoming independent, economically self-sufficient women, not relying on marriage as their only means for financial security? Or do I feel disappointed that a young Japanese woman's perecption is that the only jobs with decent money and job stability are hostessing jobs?

As someone who lived there for twelve years, Japanese culture seems antiquated at times. I often tell my friends "Do you remember the movie, Back To The Future, when Marty finds himself in the 1950s? That's how it feels sometimes when you set foot in Japan." Japanese service is unparalleled. You never tip anyone in jobs of service (hair salons, taxis, restaurants). When you get gas in your car, a whole team DOES run out to check your oil, clean your windows and fill your tank. At the end, they guide you and make sure you can enter onto the street safely, saying "Thank you" loudly as you pull away.

The Japanese gender gap can tend to have the same "old-fashioned" appearance. When I worked in a large corporation, our office was mostly women (with only one man). Even though I had a female manager, I still felt the tension when women were expected to serve tea to the men (or should I say "man"). I received little or no sympathy from my female boss when I was dragging myself to work everyday with morning sickness on crowded Tokyo commuter trains (with an occasional pit stop to empty my breakfast into a platform trashcan). I know that the Japanese women in the corporation were paid less and treated differently. A female observer from the U.S. would have been outraged, comparing their situation to women back in North America.

Does this NYT story signify a change in Japanese women's independence? Or is it a wake-up call to create labor laws in Japan that provide equality in larger corporations?

Readers, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this.