Money changes everything...in adoption

Yet another interesting article about celebrity adoptions from The Huffington Post!

This one asks the question: Do Stars Get An Advantage? They present a few opinions...but the main idea is while celebrities go through the "same process" as everyone else, money can help smooth outsome of the bumps in the road.

Ah, Cyndi Lauper's song resonates...Money changes everything...

Embryo Adoption?

Wow. You learn something new every day. I just came across a site (Nightlight Christian Adoptions) that offers  the service of "Snowflakes Embryo Adoption". As quoted from their website,

"Believe it or not, the miracle of giving birth to your adopted baby is possible." 

There are extra embryos, created for IVF treatments that have been frozen, waiting for a womb to receive them. This is where embryo adoption comes into place. After the background checks and health history, the doctor will make the frozen embryo transfer and the couple hopes that they become pregnant with their new adopted child...uh, embryo.

Again, I say...wow. I'm not sure if I should be happy...or creeped out. I'm trying to keep an open mind here, especially since I've never experienced the loneliness, pain and disappointment that comes from infertility. Reading Secret Daughter has given me a little insight into this world.

What do you think about adopting (and carrying) an embryo? Thoughts, please.

Another celebrity adoption...

This short little article highlights People Magazine's story about Charlize Theron adopting an African-American boy. One more step in bringing transracial adoption into the public eye. The jury is still out for me whether these celebrity adoptions are friend or foe in the adoption world, as discussed in my earlier post.

How does this new addition to the "Hollywood Moms Club" make you feel?

In art, exploring her adopted life

photo credit: Michael Bryant/Staff Philadelphia Inquirer

Seeing stories like this warms my heart. Not only is Sarah Mittledorf an adult adoptee from China, she's from my hometown: Mount Airy (Philadelphia)! This article in the Philadelphia Inquirer explains how Sarah is creating a theater production about the Chinese adoptee experience. She was inspired after attending a public screening of Wo Ai Ni Mommy. There were plenty of adoptive parents and adoption professionals present at the discussion, but the voice of the adoptee was absent. My earlier photo post featured one other theater production about adoption - which took place in Minnesota. Since Sarah Mittledorf is based on the East Coast, perhaps I'll be able to experience her final work.

I applaud Sarah Mittledorf for her courage create a work such as this.

Any thoughts, readers?

Limits abroad, fewer foster children at home cut adoptions - Sentinel & Enterprise

Limits abroad, fewer foster children at home cut adoptions - Sentinel & Enterprise

Now that I am a resident of Massachusetts, this article caught my attention. It is interesting that there are fewer adoptions over the last decade in MA - read on to find out the many reasons why that is!

As always, I'm eager to hear your thoughts.

Podcast: Is love enough in transracial adoptions? - Wichita State News

Podcast: Is love enough in transracial adoptions? - Wichita State News

My favorite point that assistant professor Darron T. Smith makes is "It's never a question of love...The issue is, can white parents sufficiently humble themselves and do better socially and culturally for their adopted children."

The Norwegian saying goes, "once a teacher, always a teacher." I also believe that the BEST teachers are also continual students. That's why I love Mr. Smith's point about parents sufficiently humbling themselves. The best parents are continual students...always eager to learn and get to know their child(ren).

Thoughts, readers? As always, I love to hear them...

Just when you thought it was safe...

Hi Readers,

Sorry to get all "gloom and doom" on you, but I HAD to post this article about an adoption lawyer who ran an international adoption scheme, pleaded guilty to wire fraud and just received her term sentence. Basically, she was "harvesting" and "selling" babies. For more than $100,000...for each family. And she is only serving five months in prison. Wha....?!?!

I consider myself pretty informed about the adoption world, but this type of article is STILL shocking to me. To prey upon people who want to form families through adoption is the lowest form of low.

Read about it...if you dare.

And post your thoughts.
Thanks.

Adoption, fathers and network TV

Perhaps it's just my own perspective on adoption...the bias of my lens. But I think that network television is taking a chance on adoption-related themes. Glee's first season had Quinn as a pregnant teenager who decided to make an adoption plan for her baby. And after almost a whole season of not addressing the issue, Glee has decided to pick it up again - giving us insights into Quinn as a birth mother and Shelby as the adoptive mother.

Another case in point: I just finished watching the newest episode of Body of Proof. I tend to like the forensic-mysteries, like CSI...and Body of Proof is set in Philadelphia - so I get to feel nostalgic in addition to solving mysteries. What could be better?

What's better is that this episode had TWO points of resonance for me in its plot. The first one is that Peter Dunlop (the show's medicolegal investigator...what a mouthful!) decides to make contact with his birth father. When Megan Hunt (medical examiner and lead character of the show), notices something "off" about him, he tells her that he's contacted his birth father. Their dialog goes something like this:

Peter: I met my birth father...but it was a very bad idea.
Megan:Why? What happened?
Peter: Long story short, it just wasn't the happy ending I'd hoped for.
Megan: Well, at least you know the truth and, believe me, that's...much better than not knowing.
Peter: Why does it feel like I made a huge mistake?
Megan: Because you did something really hard.  That doesn't make it a mistake.

I love how Megan understands Peter - it IS something really hard. It took a lot of courage for Peter to pick up the phone, call, and actually show up to the meeting with his birth father.

The second point of resonance is at the end of the show. Megan recollects the last moments spent with her own father. She says that every time she hears a song on the radio, it brings her back to the time she was 12 and spending a great day with her mom and dad. For a long time she was unable to listen to the song for the pain it caused her. "(But) You know," she says, "I would never want to forget that pain. It makes me who I am, you know? I can't imagine losing that."

As someone who lost their father 13 year ago...yes, Megan Hunt, I know exactly what you mean. That pain has made me who I am today. I am actually grateful for it. And I'm grateful that network TV is not afraid to take on more adoption themes in their programming.

Chinese New Year: a question...

Thanks to my Google Alerts, I was able to find an interesting article from my "hometown area", just outside of Philadelphia, PA. The Montgomery News article highlights families who have adopted children from China - and now celebrate Chinese New Year with their family. The article starts by saying:

"Everyone deserves to know their heritage. For parents of children adopted from Asian countries, Chinese New Year is the perfect opportunity to offer a window into that rich heritage."

It's a feel-good piece about how families feel about their multi-culti family, how they appreciate the "culture" of their adopted child, and how they raise their children. I'm sure that it resonates with many people, many families who have formed their families by adopting children (oh, why don't I just say it...GIRLS) from China.

My question is: who initiated the exploration of Chinese New Year? Was it the daughters? Or was it the parents? How important is it to incorporate the adopted child(ren)'s homeland culture into the adopted family?

My friend over at the My American Meltingpot blog addressed a similar question in her post and an article for the Philadelphia Inquirer on Dec. 14, discussion holiday celebrations. The take-away was the importance of becoming a full multicultural family, not just on holidays and special occasions.

I'd love to hear from some adult adoptees from China who celebrated Chinese New Year with their adoptive families when they were young. I'm curious: was it a meaningful experience? Is it the source of some fond memories? Or did it seem contrived and awkward to have white parents put on a Chinese New Year celebration?

As a Japanese-Caucasian adoptee who was raised with Norwegian traditions and NO Japanese traditions, I'm not sure how it would have felt if my family decided to celebrate OBon in August or made o-sechi-ryori for New Year's Day. I think it's pretty cool that I can make krumkake - the Norwegian pressed-then-rolled cookie - and it's one of my favorites to this day.

Would love to hear your thoughts, readers.

Adopted: The Movie in NYC

I definitely have a long wish list for books, movies and all things "adoption." But "Adopted: the Movie" is pretty high up on the list. I've seen clips on the website, but have 1) never broken down and just bought the DVD for myself and 2) never lived close enough to see a screening of the movie.

And, now, my Google Alert shows me that Adopted is being shown in New York City for a six-evening series of screenings and themed discussions with adult adoptees (all for $20/night...the catch is you need to buy into the whole 6-night series). ARGH! Why am I not living in NYC:-)?

*sigh* I guess I'll have to wait to buy the DVD myself...or wait until they head north.

Adoption Reading Challenge 2012

One of my favorite bloggers, Jenna @ The Chronicles of Munchkinland is hosting an Adoption Reading Challenge - and I've signed up! Very excited about committing myself to more reading this year. I hope that Kobo has enough selection (love my eReader)...otherwise I may have to use my library to supplement.

Jenna also started a group on Goodreads, which helps us sort and share not only our reviews but our "to read" lists as well.

Here's the beginning of my challenge for 2012:
1) I've committed to Level 2: read 6 books in a year; 3 non-fiction, 3 fiction.
2) On my list so far:

• Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda (fiction)
• Adoption Nation by Adam Pertman (non-fiction)

Hope you will join me! It's not too late!

Adoption satire premieres on stage in MN

Thanks to my husband's mother, I was able to hear about this new play about...adoption! You go, Minnesota!

Who Are My Brothers And Sisters?

I returned from the National Association of Independent Schools People of Color Conference on Saturday, Dec. 3. Yes, it IS a mouthful. This year, the conference took place in my hometown, Philadelphia: the city of Brotherly Love (and Sisterly Affection). The title, and themes for discussion groups centered on the nation's birthplace and it's Mural Arts Project. It does my heart good to attend this conference - especially in Philadelphia - for many reasons.

First, I get to see amazing keynote speakers and attend thought-provoking workshops. Every year, they find people - big name people - like Wes Moore, Lorene Cary or Martin Nesbitt. But what is strikes me about these General Session Speakers is how real they are. They get up in front of thousands of people (this year's total for adults and students was just over 3800) and tell their story. They tell it like it is. Respectfully. Meaningfully. And occasionally through some tears.

Second, I reconnect with my fellow independent school educators and I get to meet new ones. I met many of my friends from Philadelphia, Delaware and New York. However, since I've relocated to the western side of Massachusetts, it is crucial for me to know who is in my neck of the woods (quite literally). At a regional meeting, I represented my independent school and proudly display my school's colors for the other schools to see. And I met new allies in the independent schools that are close to me. Like the Girl Scout saying goes, make new friends and keep the old.

Third, I get to see my "family". No, not my family who live in New Hampshire, Vermont, Minnesota nor the Philadelphia area. My new "family" of transracial adoptees. There are specific times in the conference set aside for reflection on your own identity and what it means in the greater world. Last year, the NAIS PoCC created another break-out group  - for transracial adoptees. After three sessions of exploring our identities together, there is a kindred bond that is hard to explain...these friends are my new brothers and sisters.

Don't be surprised if the next few blog posts are about my "take-aways" from this conference. Those two-and-a-half days DO leave a lasting impression. 

No Need for Family Trees

As I am heading out to the NAIS People of Color Conference to lead my Adoption Fusion workshop/dialogue, I check in one last time to my favorite adoption blogs. Yet again, I see a post about the dreaded "family tree" lesson.

Perhaps "dreaded" is a strong word. It's just that there are so ways to portray your family nowadays - why settle for a linear, one-dimensional model? Why not be more inclusive of how we define "family"?

Here is one alternative that I share in my workshops: the family wheel. It includes ALL kinds of families formed in ALL kinds of ways. And it puts the subject at the center - rather than out on a limb (so to speak). This is my personal wheel - and a static template, but the wheel could easily be drawn freehand to allow for more "slices of the pie". Enjoy!

National Adoption Awareness Month: A Princess Found

It's National Adoption Awareness Month! And here is my first contribution of the month (better late than never!).

At the NAIS People of Color Conference 2010, I was thrilled to see that Sarah Culberson, an adult adoptee pictured above, was a featured speaker. Sadly, I was not able to attend her session or book signing, but I did buy her book. As fate would have it, she walked past me in the lobby of her hotel so that book got signed after all!

Sarah Culberson and Traci Trivas write  about her adoption/search/reunion story in A Princess Found: a memoir retold in quick, soundbyte chapters.

Sarah's story inspired me - the courage to share her story and the candor with which she shared. Once she discovered that her father was Sierra Leonean and was able to visit her biological family, she realized her calling to bring healing to the townspeople's lives. She recognized her place of privilege as a way she could give back to the people of Bumpe - to restore their village and to educate their children by rebuilding her father's school. Much like Esther in the Old Testament, she saw that her life had been lived for such a time as this.  She was able to connect her two worlds and unite her families.

As I tweak and revise my own workshop on transracial adoption for this Saturday, I draw strength and encouragment from her story. Many thanks, Sarah, for your courage!

Chinese, Japanese, Dirty Knees, Look at THIS!

I don't know exactly how to start this post. I'm still in shock from my innocent Google search.

Let me start from the beginning. At work, we have a new online project management tool that is shared with many employees at work. I have a Profile and can upload a picture to identify myself - a sort-of-avatar, if you will.  At first, I uploaded my work ID photo (nerd). Then I thought, "Why don't I upload something fun and unique to me?"

Since I'm partially Japanese and lived in Japan for so many years, why not a Japanese flag? I do what every web-surfer does: I googled "Japanese flag". Lots of images come up, but when a national flag is a white background with a red "hinomaru" (circular sun) in the center, it doesn't translate well to a 100x100 pixel icon. It ends up looking like a big, red dot.

I click on "Images" to expand the repetoire. I find a nice photo of a Japanese flag, waving in the wind with trees in the background. It really makes the flag stand out nicely. But I scroll down further...what's this? I can hardly believe my eyes!

This picture is simply named: "Lovely young female holding a Japanese flag" and shows this attractive woman (most likely a mixed race asian person), holding a small Japanese flag, smiling - perhaps even laughing - and pulling the sides of her eyes. Chinese, Japanese, Dirty Knees...

Sadly, I cannot post the picture on this site (but you can click on the link). To post it here would mean actually purchasing the photo from the stock photo company. I was tempted to do so, for the sake of creating a shockingly visual post. However, I do not want this company to make one single cent off of me or anyone else if they do not review or even censor their photos for racial insensitivities. Shame on the photographer (whose first name could be Japanese!). Shame on the model. But I hold the stock photo company ultimately responsible for purchasing it and posting it in their catalog.

What's worse is that all of the other "flag" photos taken by that photographer (and all with the same model) - Brazil, Germany, Sweden, France, Switzerland, Australia, Saudi Arabia, China, South Korea - were normal. No funny faces. No pulled eyes.

I'm not sure if it was serendipitous for me or stupidity for them, but below the picture there was a "tweet" button to push the web link on Twitter. Which is exactly what I did, with my commentary "Can't believe this is on a stock photo site. I'm offended."

Ask any adult Asian American you know, and I bet they have their own "Chinese, Japanese, Dirty Knees" story...and I bet it's an ugly one. Hopefully, Asian American children of the last decade have been spared this cruel joke. But if one of my students - or even my own teenagers - tells me they have heard this chant when they were young, I wouldn't be surprised.

Gentle Readers, I would love to hear your thoughts about this photo. Am I overreacting?

Adoption Nation-second edition

Oh, the joys of getting a new book in the mail!

Well, new for me, anyway. Yesterday, I received the "new" Adoption Nation, by Adam Pertman, Executive Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. To quote from his website: You’ll note that I put the word “new” in quotation marks; that’s because – as some of you eagle-eyed readers will note – it’s really a revised and updated 10th Anniversary Edition of my first book, and it bears the same main title. But it contains so much new research and information, so many new perspectives and up-to-date stories, and such significant changes and enhancements throughout, that I hope even the most careful readers of the original “Adoption Nation” will agree that it’s worthy of the adjective “new.”


I'm off to read this book...stay tuned for my book review later!

To Place or not to Place...

...that is the question in transracial adoption.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of racial tensions by placing a child of color with a white family permanently,
Or to take arms against this placement - to wait for a same-race family member or same-race adoptive family,
And by opposing the MultiEthnic Placement Act-Interethnic Placement Act of 1994/1996 end the troubles?

I hope that The Bard will forgive me for borrowing his words from Hamlet, but it seemed all too fitting as I read this interesting op-ed article here called "The Radicalization of Adoption Threatens Black Children". The writer Ryan Bomberger goes straight to the heart of this issue: what is best for the child - a permanent home or ethnic identity? He makes some good points, and being a transracial adoptee himself, disagrees openly with the stance taken by the National Association of Black Social Workers in 1972. He is speaking out against the many brown-skinned children who remain in foster care because of the inability to cross racial boundaries by admitting our own prejudices. He openly acknowledges that not all families can or should adopt, but he does believe that it is up to us to make this world a better place for our children - especially those without parents or permanent families.

And what do I think? I think that adoption across racial lines is a fine way to build a family with one important condition: that the adoptive family work together to continually educate themselves about their (adopted) child's culture AND to develop their own identity through self-examination and realization of their own biases, prejudices, and cultural lenses. While adoption advocates, agencies and organizations often talk about "what's best for the child", they must also include a support system that educates the parents and extended family members who may encounter the ugly side of racism for the first time.

The truth is we live in a world (particularly in the United States) where skin color does make a difference. The "color-blind" mindset does not hold because it ignores what makes us each unique. Sadly, with darker skin color comes greater responsibility: in a world where overt racism is illegal in most situations, microaggressions abound. If a family adopts a child with a darker skin color or with smaller, almond-shaped eyes, they need to be prepared to help that child when these microaggressions happen. And if they have never experienced these themselves, education and awareness is vital.

What do you think, readers? Can we put aside our racial biases and create a culture that accepts a family of many colors, breaking the hegemony of same-race families for the sake of permanent homes for many orphans? Or is it better to place these children with same-race families who can empathize with them when racial hardships come their way?

As always, I'll be waiting for your comments...

New challenges unite adult adoptees

An insightful and courageous article about Adoptees Have Answers - an Minnesota state program which provides a place for genuine adoption conversations to begin.
I applaud the journalist, Katy Read, and Minnesotans for this ground-breaking program, started one year ago.
Click on the link below and enjoy!
http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/126529928.html#

Kung Fu Panda 2 takes on adoption

OK. I admit it. I am a full-length-feature-animated-film lover. I've seen every Disney animation (although Disney and I have a "love-hate" relationship...which another story altogether), Dreamworks and Pixar film.

So when I saw the trailers for the first "Kung Fu Panda" by Dreamworks, I was a bit skeptical. "Oh, man. Here we go. An animated movie that is going to take all of the Asian stereotypes and blow them out of proportion. Another cartoon where the main character is voiced by a white person, and the Asian people are in supporting roles." I did not see this one in the movie theaters. But when I watched it on DVD later, I was nicely surprised. It was thoroughly entertaining and not as packed with offensive stereotypes as I thought! There was one pressing question on my mind: how come the Panda hero has a Goose for a father? How come Po the Panda feels like he doesn't fit into the noodle-making family?

Enter Kung-Fu Panda 2. They should have subtitled it: "The search for self" or "The journey for inner peace." Po the Panda finds out that he was "abandoned" as a child and discovered by his noodle-making father, Ping the Goose. During the movie, the underlying theme is that Po must find himself. In order to have inner peace, he must know who he is. And, through the course of the movie, he does indeed find out his true story, which has painful roots that tie directly to the new arch-enemy he faces.

I loved how Dreamworks took on this challenging topic and, I confess, I did shed a few tears when Po realizes that "it is not where you come from that matters, but where you are going." As an adoptee, this is something I truly believe. Do I want to know where I am from? Yes. Have I tried searching for my birth parents? Yes. Do I want to continue searching until they are found...no matter what the end result is? Yes, although my actions and my courage wane from time to time. I do not discount my past - especially when it comes to my birth parents - but knowing I am adopted gives me firm roots in who I am and also gives me the freedom for where I want to go.

It's a complex life, as you well know, my readers. But for all the joys and pains, it's my life...and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

For another opinion: read this article.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts.