Anger Management...

Y'know, there are just sometimes when blogging is the only way to work out what's going on inside. Oh, that plus professional counseling, calling a good friend, prayer...A friend of mine told me when I first started blogging, "[Blogging] is like a journal...but it's on the web for everyone to read." Sometimes, like today, that is very true.

So, here I go. Today I'm wondering about anger management, my issues with anger and if it has roots in adoption. Hubby and I went out for coffee a while ago. Let's just say that I think his Americano coffee was a lot smoother than our talk. It's just like that sometimes. He and I approach things differently which can lead to friction and tension on occasion. No big deal - because it never stays that way. And, in the end, I think we are both better for it. So one thing that stuck with me in our conversation was that he said, "You seem angry." I told him no, but he cited some recent interactions with him and my immediate family that proved his point.

Huh. I thought it was just the opinionated Philly girl in me - but I didn't think it was anger.

Yet his comment still rattled around in my brain. So here I am, contemplating what might be the root of my anger? Might it have roots in my adoption development? Do I have Attachment Disorder? How would I know?

Let me state at this point: my anger usually comes out in raising my voice...that's about it. I wouldn't want you to think that I'm punching through walls or anything! And it usually happens when I feel hurt or when I can't control a situation or circumstance. That much I know. And I have read about so many psychological, emotional and developmental issues in adoption that it does not surprise me that anger is a part of my character as a result of adoption trauma. Yes, trauma. Nancy Verrier taught me that a long time ago. But the reason I'm even thinking about the "why" of my anger is because I want to understand "who" it is I am and "who" I want to be.

This is where my faith steps in. I'm a Christian. And I do not want my anger to hurt anyone around me. I'm trying to live a life of love, compassion, empathy. Conversely, anger only breeds fear, pain.

I don't have any definitive answers yet...but I'm working on it! I would love to hear your thoughts, dear readers.

Resurrection...

Photo Credit: http://www.clipartkid.com/images/119/heartrate-heartbeat-tattoo-SREnEk-clipart.png

Hello Adoption Fusion fans,

Well, I'm finally back!

After about a two-and-a-half year hiatus, I'm going to resurrect this blog! A number of things have inspired me to do so:

1. A colleague/fellow Smithie friend of mine has just started a blog. It's been such fun to subscribe and see her posts. I told her that she was an inspiration - and I should start up my blog again. So, here I am.
2. I read a few articles last week on Inc.com about morning productivity, waking at 4 a.m. (#21earlydays) and using that time to work on a project or your passion. I immediately thought of this blog. Note: I am trying out the #21earlydays ONLY on work days. I've accomplished two so far.
3. My work-life situation has shifted quite dramatically in the last two years, and I'm finally able to put this as a priority again!
4. Another adoptee friend of mine posted about her experience recently where she encountered...well, let's just say it...ignorance about transracial adoption. There is still much to be done in the area of awareness and education. This was the reason I started this blog in the first place!. Time to get back to educatin'!
5. Simone Biles, Rio 2016 Olympics and the debate about her "real parents", Enough said.
6. There are still SO many great articles, discussions, workshops, conferences about adoption and transracial adoption. My hope is that this can be a place to collect and share that information!

And so, without further ado, I share with you a September 1 MPR radio show, discussing the decrease in international adoptions and the experience of adoptive families and their children.

Enjoy!

Thoughts on Katy Perry's "Geisha" performance at the AMAs

So, since Katy Perry felt compelled to open the American Music Awards with a tribute to Japan through her song "Unconditionally" and people are compelled to criticize, I feel compelled to write about it.

I watched the performance - and didn't see the overt "sexualization" that was so prominent in the criticisms. Was her kimono altered with hip-high slits so she could walk and move? Absolutely. If you've ever been in a yukata (summer kimono) or winter silk kimono, you know that it is impossible to move around in one. And it would have been deathly hot on stage. I'll also give her credit for wearing opaque tights. But did Katy twerk or dance provocatively during her number? No. From the photos I've seen of the AMAs, I'm more offended by Christina Aguilera's push-up outfit or other scantily-clad performers than Katy Perry (which is too bad, because I really like most of their songs).

Others will say that dressing up as a "geisha" automatically sexualizes her performance. The term "geisha" (芸者) means artist. The younger ladies-in-training are called maiko. It is tragic that at a certain time in Japanese history, these artists were sexualized and exploited due to the country's economy. And I recognize the fact that the geisha image conjures up that historical reference. But the bottom line definition is "artist".

In my opinion, her stylist could have taken the maiko/geisha image a lot further with complete white-face, white-neck and starkly contrasting red lips. They didn't. Katy has appreciation for Japanese people because of the exchange students that have lived in her home, according to a Yahoo article. Also, some of the critics probably don't know that when Japanese women turn 20, they dress in the traditional long-sleeve kimono on the second Monday of each January to celebrate Coming of Age Day (Seijin no Hi). This is a tradition that is practiced today. That style of dress is not exclusively reserved for maiko/geisha.

I will also state that Katy's performance IS DIFFERENT than dressing up as a "geisha" for Halloween. To respond to a re-post on one of my favorite blogs Lost Daughters, I wholeheartedly agree that race is not a costume - but after watching a video of her performance (twice), my opinion is that Katy was paying tribute to Japan not trivializing it. Would it have been a better tribute if the song she performed was the Japanese National Anthem or "Sakura"? Perhaps. But...

...as a Japanese-American woman, East Asian Studies major who lived in Japan for twelve years, my question is this: how does a non-Asian person pay tribute to an Asian country or culture WITHOUT being seen as racist? Why do people always have something to say when a white person loves Japan and Japanese culture? Does it automatically mean they are fetishizing Japanese women? How can they express this appreciation without seeming weird or creepy to Asians or Asian-Americans?

What about my neighbors in Western Mass who participate in a taiko drum group (most of them white)? Are they being racist? Or if a white man wants to travel to Ghana to study traditional dance and drumming - then perform here in the U.S.? Is he racist for performing authentic Ghanaian arts?

Especially in the visual and performing arts, it's a fine line and a slippery slope, folks. As usual, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

NAIS PoCC 2013: Day 1

So, as I attempt to re-enter the atmosphere after the NAIS People of Color Conference (PoCC), I felt that the best way to do that is to write a quick post. Ok, well, maybe not so quick.

Thursday, December 5, 2013
1. Opening Ceremonies: as I expected, the opening ceremonies took quite a bit longer than planned. It was nice to see the new NAIS President John Chubb and the new VP for Equity and Justice Caroline Blackwell. The formalities leading up to their speeches was a little long -- but understandable. This is a BIG year of change for NAIS. I could tell that people (especially first-timers) were a little skeptical...waiting for the "wow" factor. Then the keynote speaker, Daniel Hernandez, Jr.: the intern who help save Gabrielle Giffords' life. He is such a formidable presence that you forget he's only 23! My workshop was slated to follow this session so, sadly, I had to excuse myself early to make sure my room was ready (A/V, handouts, etc.). Turns out, I probably could have stayed to hear the rest of his story.

2. Workshop A: my Adoption Fusion workshop.Although my workshop title and description had not changed from two years ago, everything else was new and improved. Switching from Powerpoint to Prezi was about the best thing I could have done. Mind mapping is a beautiful thing...Prezi helped link the title & description to the content as I was able to focus on the intersections between race, culture and adoption. Some of my same personal experiences were still there, but I referenced "The Dance of Identities" by John D. Palmer and shared my recent experiences with DNA with 23andMe, including recent article about Anne Wojcicki in Fast Company. And, of course, I referenced the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, Adoption Mentoring Program and other resources/documentaries. If any of you readers attended my workshop, be sure to give me feedback: good, bad or ugly. I can take it...really. I'm already thinking of a future topic: ways to increase awareness about adoption in the classroom. At my workshop, even though I left room for questions, I could sense that people still had MORE questions.

3. Affinity Group work: This year, I served as a peer facilitator alongside the external facilitator Dr. Mike Funk (yes, that is his real name...). It is an honor to work together with him year after year. Our group is traditionally small: lass than 30 people. But what a powerful group it is. One of the Community Norms is "Lean into Discomfort" - and, boy, did we! But in the end, consensus was reached and we were able to move forward and create/sustain group synergy. It was a two-hour session...so lots of time for synergy!

4. Workshop B: Embracing the Multifacted Identity of the Transnational Adoptee: an Affinity Group Experience. I was so inspired to see this workshop offered this year by two women who are educators in Washington State, Nell Brewer and Oriana Isaacson. I was able to participate for the first part of their workshop, but was unable to stay for the whole time. And I felt that their workshop was slightly underattended: a presentation about cultural competency (with speakers Steven Jones, Gene Batiste, Rosetta Lee and Tim Wise) was slated for the same time slot. Boo. Who can compete with that? But IMHO, Nell and Oriana did a great job. I especially liked their incorporation of video clips from ABC's Modern Family, demonstrating how adoption has become visible in mainstream TV culture. They also gave practicals on starting a student organization.

5. PoCC General Session: Keynote: Junot Diaz. Ok, wow. Don't even know where to start for this one. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I have not had the pleasure to read his literary works...yet. But even I knew how big this keynote speaker is. He came out on the stage, dressed casually with a pin mic for maximum mobility. And then he began to speak. I'm not one to use "colorful" language -- Junot Diaz overflows with it. However, if you can filter through the tangled curse words, you can hear his message, his truth. Which is a universal truth. At conferences, for keynotes or other workshops, I like to tweet instead of take notes. But Junot Diaz's words, language and speech were so fluid, so quick, so full of punch after punch of memorable truths, I was unable to keep up. And I wasn't the only one. Check out the hashtag #PoCC2013 and you'll see what I mean. Anyone going to MIT out there? Be sure to register for one of Professor Diaz's creative writing classes. He is nothing short of brilliant.

Saty tuned for Day 2...

Exciting news: an update

In my earlier post, I mentioned some of the exciting connections I've been making in the adoption world here in Massachusetts. Well, here's the update:

1. On Labor Day 2012 weekend, I was able to present "Think Outside the Box: identity and intersectionality" at Smith College's training for House Diversity Representatives. What a blast - and it was amazing, encouraging and uplifting to connect with other Smithies who are social justice advocates. I'm forever grateful to them for inviting me and allowing me to be a part of their training session to ensure that social justice issues on campus are being addressed.
2. In February 2013, the Adoption Mentoring Program cohort groups met in two sessions to participate in my "Adoption Fusion" workshop. I need to touch base with the folks at Big Brothers Big Sisters of Hampshire County to get feedback about it. My hope is that everyone was able to learn a little bit more about each other's stories - and about their own identity journey.
3. In April 2013, I presented at the Asian American Footsteps Conference: a high school student conference who identify as Asian, Asian American or mixed-Asian. And I asked to bring my local, Asian adoptee high school friends...who are eager to go and connect with other Asians, of course. And I wasn't alone in my travels to The Pingree School that day: my colleague and two students from my school went with me...eagerly! Kudos to them for meeting me at 6:15 AM (yes, you read that right) to start our road trip...on a Sunday morning!

Stay tuned for more exciting adoption news as we pull into the summer-fall of 2013...some things are brewing behinds the scenes:-)

Oprah and Jane Fonda discuss adoption...

Wow, I didn't know Fonda was a TRA parent?!? Times like this that I
kinda wish I got the O network...

http://www.examiner.com/article/oprah-and-jane-fonda-discuss-adoption-parenti...

If anyone saw this interview, please comment! I'd love to hear from you.

Cheers!

Adoption is like...an onion?

After reading Untying a Birth Mother's Hands by Elizabeth Foy Larsen, I loved the author's telling of this reunion story: she was so  honest with her emotions and conveys the birth mother's thoughts just as well. It's as if I were sitting next to them. It's interesting to me how the adoptive parent reaches out to the birth mother - when the adoptee is six. I understand that the adults have a need to make connections and/or leave the door open. What stands out to me is that when the adoptee grows up, will she be thankful? Or will she have resentment because someone else made the decision on her behalf. Please read the article, if you haven't already.

This leads to me to my overall takeaway from the article: Adoptions are complex. More than anyone realizes.

Recently I saw a post on Facebook, tailoring Forrest Gump's famous saying into this: "Adoption is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're going to get." While there may be some truth to that, I did not appreciate the cliche. It seems negative to me, like it's a game of chance. And it's just too pat of an answer to describe the complexity of forming families by adoption. At the very least, an adoption touches three people directly: the child, the birth mother and the adoptive parent. The two parents in that triad scenario usually have family members, and their own circles of friends, colleagues and acquaintances. So with one child's adoption, you are impacting a myriad number of lives. Not to mention all the friends that adopted individual has or will encounter in their OWN day-to-day life. Each of those individuals will have feelings, emotions and opinions about adoption: good, bad and ugly. That's why adoption cannot be put into a box...not even a box of chocolates! Hey, I love chocolates as much as the next person. Just don't compare it to adoption, okay?

If you want to get clever and cheeky with your adoption metaphors, how about this? The dialogue in the movie Shrek: comparing ogres to onions. For those who have not experience this Dreamworks movie, a little background info on Shrek: he (the ogre) struggles throughout the movie with the single-dimension stereotypes that people put on him, how he is constantly misunderstood and prejudged, which is why he lives alone in a swamp. Sometimes he actually lives out other's demonizing expectations of him. Ok, I'm waxing a little philosophical for an animated movie, but you get my drift. Watch the video dialogue below:



At least this comparison ACKNOWLEDGES that there are layers...and that it's not a perfect comparison as Shrek struggles to reveal himself to his friend Donkey. So I would modify Shrek's comparison: Adoption is like...an onion. They both have layers. Admittedly, I'm also a bit cheeky and pat with that metaphor, but hopefully you get my drift. Adoption is never as simple as you think.

Exciting news on the horizon...

Hello dear readers,

As my blog analytics tell me, you readers have been faithfully visiting my blog, at least a few hits a day. I can only imagine: you click through from some other site reference or because a Google search led you here...only to find disappointment that I have not posted since March! Mea maxima culpa.

As my faithful friends and readers know, I work in education - but I'm no longer in the classroom. This means that my work schedule goes through the typical ebbs and flows of an academic year, but I also work through the summer. In addition to this, I've been quite involved with our local church youth group. As hard as I try, I have not been able to successfully post regularly during the spring seasons while at my most recent job. Ah, well, there's always Spring 2013.

Nevertheless, there are exciting things happening in my life and the world of adoption: plenty of articles being written and new connections being made around my most recent home in Western Massachusetts.

1. I'm preparing revamping my identity formation presentation to deliver a brief opening keynote at a student diversity training program for Smith College (my alma mater). Very excited to be working with some amazing student leaders and adult leaders in social justice education and diversity.
2. At the invitation and encouragement of a fellow Smithie, I attended a non-profit Board Fair where local non-profits were looking for volunteers and to find potential Board members. While I was there, I met the Director of the Hampshire County Big Brothers Big Sisters (as it turns out, we have at least one friend/colleague in common) who let me know that BBBS has started an adoption mentoring partnership, pairing "little" adoptees with "big" adoptees from the area colleges. Wow! It's so exciting to see this work happening in my own backyard. Stay tuned as to how/what capacity I will be involved with this pioneering program.
3. The program above is made possible through a partnership with the Rudd Adoption Research Program, which has major initiatives throughout the year, including an annual conference (put that on my calendar for next year!). Sad to have missed the 2012 conference - it featured some amazing speakers and well-known professionals in the field of adoption.

So that's what's new and exciting on the horizon. Next up: thoughts on an NYT article my mother sent me...

Money changes everything...in adoption

Yet another interesting article about celebrity adoptions from The Huffington Post!

This one asks the question: Do Stars Get An Advantage? They present a few opinions...but the main idea is while celebrities go through the "same process" as everyone else, money can help smooth outsome of the bumps in the road.

Ah, Cyndi Lauper's song resonates...Money changes everything...

Embryo Adoption?

Wow. You learn something new every day. I just came across a site (Nightlight Christian Adoptions) that offers  the service of "Snowflakes Embryo Adoption". As quoted from their website,

"Believe it or not, the miracle of giving birth to your adopted baby is possible." 

There are extra embryos, created for IVF treatments that have been frozen, waiting for a womb to receive them. This is where embryo adoption comes into place. After the background checks and health history, the doctor will make the frozen embryo transfer and the couple hopes that they become pregnant with their new adopted child...uh, embryo.

Again, I say...wow. I'm not sure if I should be happy...or creeped out. I'm trying to keep an open mind here, especially since I've never experienced the loneliness, pain and disappointment that comes from infertility. Reading Secret Daughter has given me a little insight into this world.

What do you think about adopting (and carrying) an embryo? Thoughts, please.

Another celebrity adoption...

This short little article highlights People Magazine's story about Charlize Theron adopting an African-American boy. One more step in bringing transracial adoption into the public eye. The jury is still out for me whether these celebrity adoptions are friend or foe in the adoption world, as discussed in my earlier post.

How does this new addition to the "Hollywood Moms Club" make you feel?

In art, exploring her adopted life

photo credit: Michael Bryant/Staff Philadelphia Inquirer

Seeing stories like this warms my heart. Not only is Sarah Mittledorf an adult adoptee from China, she's from my hometown: Mount Airy (Philadelphia)! This article in the Philadelphia Inquirer explains how Sarah is creating a theater production about the Chinese adoptee experience. She was inspired after attending a public screening of Wo Ai Ni Mommy. There were plenty of adoptive parents and adoption professionals present at the discussion, but the voice of the adoptee was absent. My earlier photo post featured one other theater production about adoption - which took place in Minnesota. Since Sarah Mittledorf is based on the East Coast, perhaps I'll be able to experience her final work.

I applaud Sarah Mittledorf for her courage create a work such as this.

Any thoughts, readers?

Limits abroad, fewer foster children at home cut adoptions - Sentinel & Enterprise

Limits abroad, fewer foster children at home cut adoptions - Sentinel & Enterprise

Now that I am a resident of Massachusetts, this article caught my attention. It is interesting that there are fewer adoptions over the last decade in MA - read on to find out the many reasons why that is!

As always, I'm eager to hear your thoughts.

Podcast: Is love enough in transracial adoptions? - Wichita State News

Podcast: Is love enough in transracial adoptions? - Wichita State News

My favorite point that assistant professor Darron T. Smith makes is "It's never a question of love...The issue is, can white parents sufficiently humble themselves and do better socially and culturally for their adopted children."

The Norwegian saying goes, "once a teacher, always a teacher." I also believe that the BEST teachers are also continual students. That's why I love Mr. Smith's point about parents sufficiently humbling themselves. The best parents are continual students...always eager to learn and get to know their child(ren).

Thoughts, readers? As always, I love to hear them...

Just when you thought it was safe...

Hi Readers,

Sorry to get all "gloom and doom" on you, but I HAD to post this article about an adoption lawyer who ran an international adoption scheme, pleaded guilty to wire fraud and just received her term sentence. Basically, she was "harvesting" and "selling" babies. For more than $100,000...for each family. And she is only serving five months in prison. Wha....?!?!

I consider myself pretty informed about the adoption world, but this type of article is STILL shocking to me. To prey upon people who want to form families through adoption is the lowest form of low.

Read about it...if you dare.

And post your thoughts.
Thanks.

Adoption, fathers and network TV

Perhaps it's just my own perspective on adoption...the bias of my lens. But I think that network television is taking a chance on adoption-related themes. Glee's first season had Quinn as a pregnant teenager who decided to make an adoption plan for her baby. And after almost a whole season of not addressing the issue, Glee has decided to pick it up again - giving us insights into Quinn as a birth mother and Shelby as the adoptive mother.

Another case in point: I just finished watching the newest episode of Body of Proof. I tend to like the forensic-mysteries, like CSI...and Body of Proof is set in Philadelphia - so I get to feel nostalgic in addition to solving mysteries. What could be better?

What's better is that this episode had TWO points of resonance for me in its plot. The first one is that Peter Dunlop (the show's medicolegal investigator...what a mouthful!) decides to make contact with his birth father. When Megan Hunt (medical examiner and lead character of the show), notices something "off" about him, he tells her that he's contacted his birth father. Their dialog goes something like this:

Peter: I met my birth father...but it was a very bad idea.
Megan:Why? What happened?
Peter: Long story short, it just wasn't the happy ending I'd hoped for.
Megan: Well, at least you know the truth and, believe me, that's...much better than not knowing.
Peter: Why does it feel like I made a huge mistake?
Megan: Because you did something really hard.  That doesn't make it a mistake.

I love how Megan understands Peter - it IS something really hard. It took a lot of courage for Peter to pick up the phone, call, and actually show up to the meeting with his birth father.

The second point of resonance is at the end of the show. Megan recollects the last moments spent with her own father. She says that every time she hears a song on the radio, it brings her back to the time she was 12 and spending a great day with her mom and dad. For a long time she was unable to listen to the song for the pain it caused her. "(But) You know," she says, "I would never want to forget that pain. It makes me who I am, you know? I can't imagine losing that."

As someone who lost their father 13 year ago...yes, Megan Hunt, I know exactly what you mean. That pain has made me who I am today. I am actually grateful for it. And I'm grateful that network TV is not afraid to take on more adoption themes in their programming.

Chinese New Year: a question...

Thanks to my Google Alerts, I was able to find an interesting article from my "hometown area", just outside of Philadelphia, PA. The Montgomery News article highlights families who have adopted children from China - and now celebrate Chinese New Year with their family. The article starts by saying:

"Everyone deserves to know their heritage. For parents of children adopted from Asian countries, Chinese New Year is the perfect opportunity to offer a window into that rich heritage."

It's a feel-good piece about how families feel about their multi-culti family, how they appreciate the "culture" of their adopted child, and how they raise their children. I'm sure that it resonates with many people, many families who have formed their families by adopting children (oh, why don't I just say it...GIRLS) from China.

My question is: who initiated the exploration of Chinese New Year? Was it the daughters? Or was it the parents? How important is it to incorporate the adopted child(ren)'s homeland culture into the adopted family?

My friend over at the My American Meltingpot blog addressed a similar question in her post and an article for the Philadelphia Inquirer on Dec. 14, discussion holiday celebrations. The take-away was the importance of becoming a full multicultural family, not just on holidays and special occasions.

I'd love to hear from some adult adoptees from China who celebrated Chinese New Year with their adoptive families when they were young. I'm curious: was it a meaningful experience? Is it the source of some fond memories? Or did it seem contrived and awkward to have white parents put on a Chinese New Year celebration?

As a Japanese-Caucasian adoptee who was raised with Norwegian traditions and NO Japanese traditions, I'm not sure how it would have felt if my family decided to celebrate OBon in August or made o-sechi-ryori for New Year's Day. I think it's pretty cool that I can make krumkake - the Norwegian pressed-then-rolled cookie - and it's one of my favorites to this day.

Would love to hear your thoughts, readers.

Adopted: The Movie in NYC

I definitely have a long wish list for books, movies and all things "adoption." But "Adopted: the Movie" is pretty high up on the list. I've seen clips on the website, but have 1) never broken down and just bought the DVD for myself and 2) never lived close enough to see a screening of the movie.

And, now, my Google Alert shows me that Adopted is being shown in New York City for a six-evening series of screenings and themed discussions with adult adoptees (all for $20/night...the catch is you need to buy into the whole 6-night series). ARGH! Why am I not living in NYC:-)?

*sigh* I guess I'll have to wait to buy the DVD myself...or wait until they head north.

Adoption Reading Challenge 2012

One of my favorite bloggers, Jenna @ The Chronicles of Munchkinland is hosting an Adoption Reading Challenge - and I've signed up! Very excited about committing myself to more reading this year. I hope that Kobo has enough selection (love my eReader)...otherwise I may have to use my library to supplement.

Jenna also started a group on Goodreads, which helps us sort and share not only our reviews but our "to read" lists as well.

Here's the beginning of my challenge for 2012:
1) I've committed to Level 2: read 6 books in a year; 3 non-fiction, 3 fiction.
2) On my list so far:

• Secret Daughter by Shilpi Somaya Gowda (fiction)
• Adoption Nation by Adam Pertman (non-fiction)

Hope you will join me! It's not too late!

Adoption satire premieres on stage in MN

Thanks to my husband's mother, I was able to hear about this new play about...adoption! You go, Minnesota!